Debbie's Big Giveaway - Now THIS is SUMthin!

Debbie at Jadehollow is the dearest, kindest person and THIS, my friends, is a GREAT giveaway: a gift basket worth over $125.00! If you don't know her or follow her you will definitely want to head over and see what you're missing. She happens to celebrate her wedding anniversary, birthday, and her daughter's 16th birthday all in the same week - THIS week! But she's doing the giving. Take the time to visit. I'm confident you will fall in love with her writing, genuine heart, and sweet spirit. She plays the best music, too. :-)

Time for a Giveaway!

I am overdue.

For a giveaway, not for a baby, although by the looks of my stomach some might be planning a shower. If you are, please cancel and just send the money you would have invested. I'll put it to good use. Maybe I'll buy more aprons to dress my stomach in. OR maybe I'll pay for gas to haul it over to the gym and sweat and work it into submission. That's what I did last night. I'm going again today. Is two times to the gym enough or am I gonna have to keep this up?

I am allergic to working out. I have an anaphylactic reaction. Every time I think about 30 minutes on the StairMaster I can't breathe. Then 20 minutes in the sauna to sweat out the impurities. Do you know how impure I AM? I think you'd need to leave me in there for a couple of months.

The only good part is the jacuzzi. I don't get all the way in because I'm not putting on a bathing suit in front of ANYone but my family and God, and I apologize to God. My family - well, we all have to put up with each other and torture builds character. We're a bunch of characters so I figure we've tortured each other a lot. But, as I was saying, I don't get in the jacuzzi all the way. I just put my feet and legs in to try and help with the nerve damage. There is a sign, though, and it says, "No Shaving Your Legs." If this sign is necessary because people actually do this, then there are GREAT and COMPELLING reasons to not immerse your body in there and they far supersede bathing suit reluctance.

I'm also writing down everything I eat now. It's the only thing that works for me - writer's cramp. When my hands freeze into gnarled claws then I can't feed myself. I think it's effective.

So is this book. (I took the picture in my garden because I really need to get outside more or I might be nominated for a Vampire award next.)




And I'm giving away three (3) brand new copies, one of which is autographed (I'll draw among the three for that one)*. It's by the same author who wrote "The Maker's Diet" which some of you might be familiar with. I had a chance to meet Jordan Rubin when I was working for a raw milk company. He came through last year on the kick-off of his campaign, "Perfect Weight America" and started out with a seminar at the dairy. He gave us some extra books if we promised to give them to people who would really use them. I gave out a couple but the other friends had already purchased them at Costco. So, here they are and they should go to anyone interested in eating for optimum health and the right weight for your body. Like ANYthing, they only work if you put the principles into practice. That's where my breakdown is.

I do try to eat organically and buy locally. And we are still raw milk drinkers. But I also love my sugar and sweets and loathe the exercising thing. BUTT (yes, I MEANT to use the extra "T" so I will remember yet more reasons I can't ignore certain facts), I need to quit pretending all is well and make myself do the right things.

If you need a similar kick in the pants or just good information on optimizing your health, then I believe you would enjoy this book.

Jordan Rubin is a guy who, as a young man in college, nearly died from health complications no one could address. His parents spent huge amounts of money trying to save his life. He addresses this in "The Maker's Diet" and also (to a limited degree) in "Perfect Weight." He is definitely inspiring.

So, here's what you do: Signing up to FOLLOW (see the little button over the follower pictures? Just click that) will automatically give you two entries. If you are already one of my wonderful followers I THANK YOU and, you can get two entries by leaving me a comment (FOR MY BODY'S SAKE) offering any tips you might have about your own journey in the weight wars. (If you never struggle and have a perfect body, please do not tell me this. Just recite poetry or quote a line from your favorite book about plumbing and drywall repair.) If you blog about this contest (with a link) simply leave a comment saying so and you get five extra entries.

*I apologize to my international friends but shipping is SO expensive on this OVERWEIGHT book, I will have to limit this to shipping in the U.S. only. I promise to give away an Amazon.com e-gift card next time so it can go anywhere!

DRAWING WILL BE HELD: Friday, May 22nd. Contest closes at midnight on that day, Pacific Standard Time.

Sisterhood And Renee Awards

I am SOOO late with awards and passing them along. This one came in to me from Living Life Outside the Box quite awhile ago and honestely, someone else as well, and just look at me not able to remember, which is horrible!!


Here are the rules:1. Put the logo on your blog or post.2. Nominate at least 10 blogs which show great Attitude and/or Gratitude!3. Be sure to link to your nominees within your post.4. Let them know that they have received this award by commenting on their blog.5. Share the love and link to this post and to the person from whom you received your award.

And this award was created by Bella and Ces in honour of their friend Renee, an incredible lady who in the face of a frightening life battle is tackling each day with great spirit and courage. Here is what Bella says of this award:“this is a brand new award and I have the pleasure and honor of spreading the seed, watching it grow.I hope it finds it’s way to those who are like Renee: the acorn, becoming a tall and sturdy oak, giving acorns…”


I am so honored to have received these awards and I thank those of you who sent them to me. (I was so interested in the history behind this one I forgot to copy the link of who sent it to me. Will you please contact me and I will include it here? And then forgive your DOLT of a friend as I offer my sincere apology?!) I will try to be more timely in the future about posting them and passing them along and keeping track. I cannot choose among my dear friends who have been a true Sisterhood - so that is for all of you!!!

As far as the Renee Award goes, I know that many of you are battling incredibly hard things in your life: emotional struggles, physical battles, family disturbances, financial worries. Does that just about cover ALL of us in some fashion or other?! Guess that's one reason we enjoy hanging out together. We know that life IS struggle much of the time but it is also great JOY if someone walks with you. You bring ME great joy with your love and acceptance of me, and your ABUNDANCE of kind words. You move me to laughter, or tears, or growth through your writings and/or unbelievable photography which often takes me to spiritual places of beauty, or shows me something I would never see without your perspective. So this is for you, too. You know what you battle and I hope you feel free to pick this up and post it proudly on your blog.

THANK YOU for being my friends. You don't have to be. And I NEVER forget that.

Time For Word Wackiness!

Still collecting wacky words. Can't help myself. These all come from the "Word Verification" category where we have to type in what we see in order to leave a comment. You KNOW how verbose I am. Can you imagine how many of these I HAVE?! Here are a few more with my definitions or usage in a sentence. What have YOU got? Go ahead. Crack me up. You KNOW you always do.

• Eufulast: "You might live long enough to give EVERYone a piece of your mind eufulast."
• Weemi: What you get when your "Wii" character, called a "Mii," has a baby. You get a Weemi. I guess if it was born before its due date you might get a preeweemi. If it's a baby boy then it might be a hepreeweemi. Okay. I'll stop. Oh I can't. Just one more.....so.....if you planted a tree in honor of the baby's birth would that be the hepreeweemitree? Oh, OCD. The gift that keeps on giving. And giving. And giving. Okay, that's three givings.....one for me, one for Bo, one for the Wild Man....OH! I need one more "giving" for Grizzly so it makes four. And giving. There, now no one will die. Do you think I know too much about this subject?! You should have known me as a child!
• Hyrodis: “Oh she ALWAYS tries to act like she’s takin' the high road. I think she has Hyrodis.”
• Unmerse: The act of trying to get out of what you’ve gotten yourself into. Like this post.
• Decosour: What happens after the home improvement project drags on too long.
• Lishen: What every drunk starts his protest with. "Lishen buddy. I have NOT had too mush to drink because I can shtill shpeak clearly."
• Rediaped: What the baby is after you change him.

Enough goofing off! Back to the salt mines for me!

Copyright 2009

My Mother's Day.....How Was Yours?

This post falls into the diary category but you're welcome to read it. I don't like that feeling - the one that happens about every two hours when I wonder, "What just happened?" or "What in the heck did I do yesterday?" This is my written memory of the good, the bad, and the redeemed.

Blessed to be teaching Sunday School. LOVE those kids and many are graduating next week. OH MY WORD! Thinking about leading a college Sunday School class in the fall because I can't let them go. And it would be all girls, well, young WOMEN, and most are going to school or working locally. Wouldn't that be fun?! Just not sure I'm really qualified. I didn't get my head on straight until...........hold on........let me go look in the mirror.

Honored my mother for bringing me into this world. Took her roses and a cookbook. Visit went south for oh-so-many reasons that are insane but the MAIN THING IS, I tried. Then, due to the maximum frustration of that visit and feelings of wanting to relocate to Mars except for the fact that it's so darn close to EARTH, I tried to reschedule my own Mother's Day. Glad I didn't because.....


My daughter made me a lovely dinner while I rested and read (and she had cleaned and detailed my bedroom a few days before!), and both kids gave me cards - The Wild Man made me laugh, of course, and Bo made me cry with words of encouragement only she could write - and George MacDonald books and music to, "soothe the savage breast." (Sing to me Allison Krause.......) It even works wonders on my savage brain.

And Grizzly? Thank you for fixing the sprinklers and computer for my folks while we were there. You tried, too. And you touched my heart by asking if I wrote that poem on the blog a few days ago and being amazed by that - in a very sweet way and saying so, even AGAIN, in your card. What woman doesn't want to be amazing to her husband once in awhile?

You three redeemers of the day.......I LOVE you with my whole heart. I am seen. I am loved. I am blessed. When I'm tempted to go all "Thelma and Louise" into the canyon, you always take my car keys. What a crew.



Copyright 2009

"Calling All Writers"

This is an alert for all my writing friends. Most of us know there are writing competions throughout the year through different venues but this one is well publicized and offers lovely prizes. Writer's Digest is having its annual writers competition. Categories are varied and include:

• Inspirational Writing (Spiritual/Religious)


• Memoirs/Personal Essay


• Magazine Feature Article


• Genre Short Story (Mystery, Romance, etc.)


• Mainstream/Literary Short Story


• Rhyming Poetry


• Non-rhyming Poetry


• Stage Play


• Television/Movie Script


• Children's/Young Adult Fiction

There is a small entry fee for each piece but you may enter any, or all, categories. Grand prize is $3000 and a trip to New York City to meet with editors and publishers. And there is a First Prize winner in each category of $1000 and perks. Deadline is May 15, 2009 but late entries may be submitted for a few weeks after with an additional processing fee.

I imagine the competition will be stiff and the odds of winning will be long so I won't be losing any sleep over my entries. But I'm entering anyway because the odds are ZERO if I don't give it a shot. I hope you feel the same way and send something in. Many of you are talented writers and we would all be thrilled for you if you won! Anything! At all! I hope you go for it.

Here's a Shocker!

My sweet friend, Debbie, over at Jadehollow, made this little button for me.

Why? Well, because she is caring, thoughtful, and wonderful, of course, but also because she selected me for this award:


It's from a blog party she participated in and it could only be given to one person. And she chose ME! And she did a whole write up on me and linked people to different articles and even included some of YOUR comments. I was floored. When I popped over there for my usual read I just merrily scrolled down to see who the lucky person was going to be and - I'm dead serious here - I wasn't crossing my fingers, or legs, or eyes that it would be me because it honestly never even dawned on me to consider it.

So, when I saw my name and this darling button, my eyes did that thing where they pop out and lay on my chest. (I'm sure you've heard me mention that attractive talent I have. Once in awhile they roll right down on the floor and peer around corners and that's how I know what my kids are up to.)

I could not believe she selected me. A Mothering Award? I tried to tell her she really might retract her selection if she knew the whole story and I tried to give her some insider information, but she still hasn't pulled it down.

Maybe I should have shared more, like:

• It takes dynamite to blast my kids out of bed. I am a failure at discipline.
  
  
• Most days the answer to the query, "What's for breakfast?" is met with, "Can you not see the cereal box, bread, toaster, etc.? Are you unable to scramble eggs?
  
  
• I let my two-year-old son ride a skateboard naked down the street. Yes, I have video.
  
  
• I rant and rave about the exact same issues and always receive the exact same results. I do not know why I have not recorded these sessions and simply hit the "play" button. I could nap during presentations. Someone once said, "Yelling at your kids to make them behave is like trying to drive your car by honking the horn." Yeah, well, when you're locked in traffic sometimes that horn feels like just the thing!
  
  
• My kids once got into a fist fight over control of the television. They broke the tv control button to the tune of a hundred bucks and gave each other a good thrashing before I could get to them. Bo had a huge bruising bite mark on her arm and TWM had such a perfect, bright red slap impression on his back you could have framed it and used it for a hand print for Mother's Day. And this is one of their fondest memories.
  
  
• I can burp like nobody's business. It's a gift born from years of tummy issues. I once read a little book to my kids about helping them form memories of their favorite things. It prompted them with questions like, "When you go to bed at night, what things do you hear in the house that comfort you?" Now, I am NOT lying here when I tell you I have spent countless hours reading to and singing to my children. They know every lullaby that's ever been written and could quote chapter and verse from the volumes they've heard. This was to be my hour of appreciation. My heart filled to the brim as I awaited my longed for response about the joyousness with which I'd filled so many end-of-the-day moments. They looked at each other and almost telepathically responded in unison, "Your nighttime burp." "What?!" I asked, incredulous. "Yeah," they happily replied. "When you wander around the house putting stuff away or starting laundry after we're already in bed, you always have one big burp and it's so comforting. We know everything is just like it should be." I told you I channel a fifth grade boy. I just didn't know he visited every night and they'd like him better than me. It's good to know the stories they'll tell THEIR children.

(How I see myself)

(How my children see me)

That's just a small sampling of my mothering skills and the loving and gentle way in which my children are guided daily. I would tell you more but they are having a knock-down-drag-out over who should have to wash the pans and who got out of it last time. This seems like a good time to push that "play" button.

I leave you with these thoughts:

"It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge." Phyllis Diller

"Parents often talk about the younger generation as if they didn't have anything to do with it." Haim Ginott

"You don't really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around - and why his parents will always wave back." William D. Tammeus

I am so blessed by all of you and I wish you the most wonderful of Mother's Days. May your children rise up and call you "Blessed!" And these are for you. :-)

With Love,

Robynn

Copyright 2009

Let HER Entertain You.....

Alright.

You deserve a laugh. I can't do better than this today. I think she captured childhood and maybe even humanity. Mind you, same mom, same exposure to God and church for both kids. Here ya go: Why We Scratch Our Heads as Parents.

Reflections.....

Do not let me linger too long alone within my thoughts because it's there the hard work is done.

When I am all consciousness

I swim in breaking waves and grasp about for tethers

upon which to anchor my vitality

through my writing.

This bauble attracts me and I set out

with a mad stroke to capture it.

That object looms into view

and I backstroke with abandon toward its bobbing form

upon my mental waters.

I am even content to remain ostensibly stationary

for I still create energy and waves

by my treading.

These are the places of felicity

where frolicking lends itself to humor

and ideas crash and spray against the rocks

in gleaming sunlight.

But left stranded on shore

without my mad splashing to distract me

and the impressions and images that are ever with me

constantly beckoning

overtake me.

I rise to follow the gentle swing

of the ebb and flow below the fray.

I sway downward past the wildness of the surface

into the muddy silt of stillness

where distraction is spent

and light softly shares its shadow

and fragments.

It is there

through opaque and muted contours

clarity is born.

But birth

for all its loveliness

is also mewling and messy.

(By Robynn Reilly)

And it takes time. It takes the very thing we feel we can least afford. But without it, nothing would continue and change could not be effected. We travail, and after a time, we pray that our laboring has not been in vain.

My thoughts there have given birth to sadness and great compassion for those who are wounded within our homeschooling group, but it has also come with courage.

I could write volumes here about outlandish remarks, judgements, and bullying directed toward women and children by a few men within this local community, and believe me when I say my flesh is sorely tempted to create a list. But it would change little and reduce me.

What I feel compelled to do is to stop grumbling (which does nothing) and be brave enough to call behavior what it is. Some things are worth standing up for and speaking out against, especially when it tears at the very fabric of something so precious.

I can pray for their censure so more are not injured, and perhaps that will happen. But I also realize contrite and humble hearts are necessary and people must be willing to change. I struggle to have faith or vision for such a possibility as these are old, established patterns. Hubris, adorned in the torn and tattered clothes of false piety, seems rarely to recognize its own near nakedness. But I am required to believe change is possible. I don't get a pass.

And then I want to shout from the rooftops to the injured: "This isn't us! This isn't who we strive to be! Please don't see us through the distorted lens that has been provided!" I want to rush in and fix the hurts and tend to the wounds. I want my own pain to be healed. Mostly, I want to see our community lovingly supporting each other and operating in ways of blessing even when we differ. Maybe, especially when we differ.

So, what do I do?

I have to recognize my own heart must be examined everyday and that's a full time, never-ending job where ugliness can take up residence too easily. I must strive to be the thing I long for; I must pray for change; I'm required to have courage when it's called for and to seek wisdom I may not possess. I must have an abundantly grateful heart for the large numbers of men and women within this community who are loving and kind servants, and who possess the courage, gentleness, and self-sacrificing willingness to serve in humility. They are the majority! I must rejoice and be glad!

And finally, I have to swim hard for the surface because it's time to breathe fresh air and exult in the wonderful absurdities of life. They make me laugh and I miss laughing with YOU. Because it really is true......."A merry heart (DOES!) doeth good, like a medicine!" (Proverbs 17:22 KJV)

"....weeping may endure for a night but joy cometh in the morning." (Psalm 30:5b KJV)

Copyright 2009 - All Rights Reserved

"Ima Dud" by C.U. Less.........

I like to laugh. Did you know that?

What I don't like, yea, even DETEST is to be a project.

Consequently, I have wrestled with whether to simply be absent without explanation - is that A.W.O.E. (as is "Eh, WOE is me?) - or do I have enough confidence in our relationship to let you into my world? Will I cause you to think of me as morose, a flop, a pariah, the one to avoid at parties because all they can talk about is themselves and their latest malady?

It has been my privilege to know people with the direst, even fatal, health issues who, when you visited them, managed to minister to you and leave you with a smile. Obviously, that was not true on those really awful days that serious illness invariably brings and then it was my privilege to try and offer comfort. But as soon as they could, they were encouraging others and drawing attention away from themselves. This seems to have everything to do with their measure of faith. They see life in the bigger picture. They know where they're going when they transition out of this visible world. My level of illness, in its present form, does not seem to threaten my life and yet no one can give me a prognosis.

I struggle with a nerve disease that causes me small muscle loss and rotten pain at times. It is idiopathic meaning, after countless doctors and tests, they have no idea what causes it. It is progressive. So far (eleven years) it has been slow most of the time, though never leaving me pain free or without symptoms. Occasionally, for no known reason, it rachets up and just takes out muscles at will and leaves me wiped out. It affects my legs, feet, tongue, soft palate, and throat. For the last three weeks it has been escalating.

I have done what I can but the medicines that help to make the pain tolerable cannot be handled by my body. A response within me causes my body to build porphyrins when I take them. Porphyrins are a blood byproduct everyone makes and most people can clear, but I can't very easily. These porphyrins have the potential to cause further nerve trauma, as well as liver and spleen damage. I've gone through two of those episodes already and they left me very ill and pretty wiped.

The pain is intense at times and I am only able to squeeze out four or five hours of broken sleep at night, for weeks on end. That, of course, makes things worse and the cycle continues. My throat is most affected right now making me feel like swallowing is difficult - and my feet and legs feel as though I've laid them on the barbeque. Not a pleasant sensation.

And I wish it didn't but emotional upset strains my system and always increases symptoms. (One reason I love the upbeat and like to laugh!)

Friday night, I came up against a man in our circle who is in charge of some important functions. He made decisions directed at me which caused me to miss a pivotal night in my daughter's life. It was a night I had longingly anticipated for many years and had dreamt of enjoying. The moment passed and it is gone to me forever. What's done is done. But it did not pass without my grieving it and spending a goodly amount of time in tears. And, of course, that made all my symptoms worse.

I did get test results back from the doctor and have been given some instructions that are time consuming. This will cause me to have to take a little time away from blogging. That means I may not visit you nearly as often as my heart would desire though I will post as much as I can. If my failure to visit you would keep you from visiting me as well, I completely understand. The blogging world is symbiotic and we all try to support one another. I won't be able to keep up with my part for a bit. I will drop in sometimes and as often as I can but it won't be nearly as often as I want to. Please forgive me in advance. I love all of you and truly look forward to reading each of your posts. All together you compile the most fantastic magazine that exists!

Anyway, just think. With any luck, you skimmed this article and missed most of the ridiculous details. Had we been at a party together, I would have had you backed into a corner and you would have been longing for a meteor to land on the house. Now you are free to run away screaming.

I promise to be back with my attempts to entertain you and TRULY TRULY do not intend to, nor do I WANT to talk about my health. Who of us doesn't struggle with SOMEthing (as I've said before)? Life is hard at times. But it is also RICH! Thank you for loving me and visiting me and please know that you are one of the brightest spots in my life and I PROMISE not to make my health a regular feature. It may bore me even more than it does you! (Okay, I realize that is NOT possible. Insert retraction here.)

MUCH Love,

Robynn

Copyright 2009

Something Wicked That Way Went............

I understand some of you are wanting to know the rest of the story of Max the Menace. It's pretty brief so I'll just call it an epilogue.

Before Max shared his breakfast with me, as it were, we had added another ball python from the collection of an aged herpetologist who became too long in the fangs to care for the snakes he had acquired. Now we had two. We enjoyed our foray into this serpentine world as part of our animal craziness and endless search to appreciate God's creatures which, yes Eddie Bluelights, included spiders.

Our biggest event came when the snake cage lid was left unsecured one night. Both snakes regularly tested its strength and would nose and push against it. That perseverance paid off one evening after we had all gone to bed. The two of them slithered their way to freedom. Our second snake was located fairly quickly the next morning but Max evaded us. Every corner was investigated and all dark places were illuminated. Max was not to be found. We could only surmise he had somehow escaped through an open window or door and headed for more heavily infested rat pastures.

About a month later, while beginning to divest ourselves of rats altogether (Jack - our dear and friendly rat companion had eaten his last piece of cheese - and Jill lived on to spite him), we were moving cages and cleaning in the garage. As Grizzly moved a panel pushed tightly against one wall, there, to our astonished eyes, lay Max. He was coiled comfortably in between a couple of two-by-fours and was living in the wall. Apparently, he had followed the vibrations emanating from the constant scurrying of the rats in the cages and planted himself near a ready food source. Unable to actually access the source of the vibration, he had hunkered down much like a starving urchin child in front of a bakery window. How he navigated his way there will remain a mystery for the ages but we were all glad he had returned if for no other reason than to know where he was at night! We had no concerns for our safety. (No one in this family is in danger of being lightweight enough to become a snake meal.) But, nevertheless, one does not like to imagine the feel of slithering glacial skin gliding against your leg under the bedcovers.

Not long after, it was decided we had exhausted our snake adventures and were ready to move on. We found a worthy home for both our reptile friends, divested ourselves of rats, and closed the chapter of comfortably draped snakes and undigested rodents. No more would I sit at the computer feeling shoulder massages or lurching warnings. But our animal adventures were far from over. And, knowing us, it's quite likely we'll find ourselves boarding a hippopotamus or crocodile. (And I know you'll believe me when I tell you I actually DO have a hippopotamus story.......!)

Happy "Tails" to you!

Copyright 2009

"Something Wicked This Way Comes........"

In case you're wondering what to do today and just can't come up with anything, let me offer you this advice: Do anything except hold a snake right after it eats. I know the risk of this is high. I'm here for you.

I offer this tip from first hand experience. They don't like it.

I have learned quite a bit about feeding snakes. And I have also learned quite a bit about snakes that have been fed. You should probably stop reading at this point.

Goodbye! Have a nice snake-free day!

(Elevator music here.....................)




You're still here aren't you.

Suit yourself but I will not be responsible for the violent illness you are about to experience. Please keep all arms and legs inside the ride until it comes to a complete stop.

Several years ago, being the demented homeschoolers we are and having a sickening and morbid fascination delightful and childlike curiosity about nature, we decided to buy a snake. We had been to the fair and seen ball pythons, and, discovering they rarely bite and don't have big fangs (they're constrictors) we figured this was the three-foot-long, two inch diameter reptile for us.



Twenty bucks later we were picking ticks off a snake.

Yes, that's right dear reader. Did you realize not only dogs get big, fat disgusting ticks but so do snakes? Aren't snakes, in their own dear way, gross enough already?

Well, the answer to that silly query is no, they are not. They can, in fact, become much grosser for a variety of reasons.

We learned about snake ticks through vast internet searches. We always search endlessly about whatever new endeavor we embark upon so we may never have to do actual housework or yardwork again be good and trusted guardians of anything we acquire. Upon discovering snake ticks we also learned how to remove them. You must inspect millions of snake scales while looking through a magnifying glass and checking for little black things attached under said scales. If you are cursed and reviled among women lucky, you will find them. You then use tweezers to pull them off. You must do this for a SNAKE'S comfort and health even though you might be tempted to let your best friend die of tick poisoning before combing through her entire body hunting for ticks.

The next adventure will be getting your snake to eat. Yes, snakes, just like everything else, must take in nourishment. Purina does not make snake food for you to put in a cute little bowl with your pet snake's name emblazoned on the side. (Our snake's name was "Max." My apologies to our wonderful HUMAN friend, Max. It was before we knew you. He was nothing like you. I have never even known you to have fleas, let alone ticks.)

Back to feeding your snake. Where snake food comes from is from rats. That's right. Rats give birth to other rats and, before they are fully grown, you feed those rats to your snake. So, you will have to go to the pet store to buy what they call "feeder" rats. You may feel somewhat squeamish about this but it is, after all, what snakes do: keep rodent populations down. But, occasionally, in the feeding process, problems arise. Some snakes can actually be fearful of live rodents running around their cage and so develop eating reluctance. They can even die if they wait too long to eat. You, therefore, as the pet owner, must take them to therapy where they will lie on very long, narrow couches and tell their therapist about how having ticks picked off of them has made them afraid of EVERYthing. The therapist will admonish you and then advise you to kill your snake's food before you offer it.

That's right. In order to become a qualified and caring snake owner, you may personally, with your own personage, in person, have to kill rats, or at least knock them out. This is simple, the websites all say. Simply grab them by the tail, give them a swing, and bop their heads against something hard. This will knock them out kill them instantly. At that time, lay the soundly "sleeping" rat in the snake's cage and, if given ample privacy, he will consume them without terror to the rat or snake. They claim this is the most humane way rodents are eaten in captivity or in the wild. This seems to make sense and you hate and loathe your husband for ever bringing this stupid thing into the house appreciate the man you've married when he offers to take care of this unpleasant business.

Once your sleepy-time rat is safely ensconced inside your snake's cage, you may find your snake still won't eat. Eating is a very private snake activity, and just as we, as travelers, may experience that uncomfortable feeling of, how shall I say it, public bathroom reluctance, so, in the almost same way, your snake won't eat because then people might actually KNOW he eats and that would be so embarrassing. If this goes on too long, sometimes help is necessary. For your snake, this means using forceps to hold your peacefully dreaming rat, prying open the jaws of your snake, and forcing the issue, as it were. This may be unpleasant but will result in severe trauma for women, children, rats, and snakes successful nourishment for your snake and establish you as a responsible pet owner.

Eventually, our snake began to eat on his own and we no longer had to resort to these draconian measures. But we also needed more rats. Thus, we purchased Jack and Jill. Jack was a pleasant fellow and became our pet. Jill, his brawling wife, chose never to make nice and bit me heartily the first day we brought her home. However, she was prolific. So much so that we sold her offspring back to the pet store on occasion. Rats give birth to LOTS of rats. She often had litters of 14 or more. Max could never keep up. Snakes typically eat only once every week or two. Consequently, Jack and Jill had separate bedrooms.

We came to be quite fond of Max. Love is perhaps too strong a word but we enjoyed his wrapping himself around our arms and moving, seemingly without effort, up our shoulders and around our throats. We tried not to take this personally and only disengaged him when we were in danger of blacking out. Bo was very good with him and "wore" him frequently around the house. The Wild Man was still too young for snake handling or charming (unless snakes are charmed by putting them in your mouth which he tried to do) but found Max's company fascinating. I came to like feeling Max draped over my shoulders and around the back of my neck as I sat typing at the keyboard. (Of course, people thought we were brave and clever incredibly stupid and moronic and we may have lost friends we actually liked.)

And it was in one of these tender snake/owner moments between Max and me that I learned a cardinal rule about snakes: They must have time to digest.

Max had just finished a particularly successful feeding session a few hours earlier when I decided we should have some warm and fuzzy bonding time together. I had work to do at the computer and thought the company would be nice. I picked him up, everyone had a look and some touching and handling, and then I placed him in his favorite position draped lazily dangling around my neck. I took my seat. I wasn't typing very long when I felt him begin to move. This wasn't all that unusual as he wasn't always stationary. In fact, his moves frequently felt almost massage-like and I reveled in the relaxing effect taking place in my shoulder muscles. I smiled. His movements seemed to become more pronounced. More than I had felt before. He seemed to be lurching, in fact. I became paralyzed and stricken dumb with the horrifying realization that this snake could hurl on me concerned.

"Grizzly!" I screamed as though my underwear had suddenly become consumed in an all out conflagration called out. "I think Max is going to throw...............................up."

And at that moment, there for me to behold in all its slime covered rat glory, was our snake's breakfast - every last dead nose, feet, fur, and tail of him - laying on my lap in one whole and intact package.

There really aren't words to describe this particular situation. You can't move or the thing will slide down your legs, and you can't simply sit still with a dead, slimy rat in your lap and a retching snake around your neck. So you just continue to shout out, "Ewww, EWWWW, EWWWWWWWWW!!! while your husband dashes in and hoses down your underwear with the fire extinguisher. Eventually you know he will discover the truth and bring you a paper towel because HE sure as heck isn't grabbing that dead slimy thing off your lap.

Thus, when you are tempted to buy snakes, kill rats, and allow serpents to encircle your throat, refrain gentle reader. Oh, not from the purchase. Ownership is delightful as you can see. But do wait a proper period of say, thirty years or so, before holding your resplendent reptile after he has dined.

Don't say I didn't tell you so because I guarantee you: you heard it here first.

"I'm not about to go out and buy a snake for a pet. I mean, I may have faced a few fears but I'm not insane." Kristen Davis

Copyright 2009

*Photos are stock imges from the internet but are very like our snake.

Observational Twitter 16

Esoteric:

"Beauty is only skin deep." Sir Thomas Overbury

Exoteric:

"Uh, okay. Can I sign up anyway?" Robynn



Bulletin::::::This just in:::::::Libby at Neas Nuttiness is in a HUGE contest to win ownership of a paying blog! Check out her site, read about it, and please send in your vote. I have no idea HOW you get paid to write a blog but apparently it has something to do with the theory of money. I have heard it exists between two leather pieces called a wallet. I keep looking but this revolutionary/evolutionary theory isn't working in MY wallet. All I have is receipts and dust. I'm pretty sure the only thing green in there might be mold.




Copyright 2009

Pig Deal

I have acted like a pig.

I have eaten like a pig.

I have EATEN a pig.

I like Miss Piggy.

I have an all-time favorite movie about a pig.

I have an all-time favorite book about a pig.

I've been to football games where they toss around a pig skin.

I used to be married to a man who behaved like a pig. (Sorry, pigs everywhere, that wasn't fair.)

(Not my actual first husband. This guy looks much nicer, is a snappier dresser, and probably never held a loaded gun on his wife - and that's not even what I divorced him for!)

I have wished we had a store named "Piggly Wiggly" just because it's fun to say.

I have even played, "This little piggy went to market" (but I didn't actually eat the toes).

However, I have never, nor do I now, want anything to do with THIS pig.

Hollie Steel - Britain's Got Talent - Show 3

Very busy day today and my regular posts are delayed, but I did see this last night and wanted to put a smile on your face today. It even gave me chills. Don't you just love it when you get chills and it's not because you have a 105 degree fever or aren't in danger of hypothermia from being stranded roadside in the snow wearing only your swimsuit and flipflops? Oh, maybe that's just me.

I just consider those things to be such a bonus.

And the second wave of chills almost seems greedy (but I got them!)

Feel good moment of the day....here it comes.....go forth and SMILE!

Danny MacAskill

Anyone who does something this well deserves to be appreciated.

I'm doing well to point my bike down the street and stay upright.

I first saw this on The Glass Dragonfly from my friend, Kelly, and I had to pass it along.

The guy is truly amazing as a cyclist and athlete, and the amount of perseverance it took to achieve something of this magnitude inspires me. I think I might know a few boys who imagine these feats when riding. If you're a mom of boys, you may as well. When I watch this I can't help but see poetry, dance, and art. I love beauty in any form. And excellence is always beautiful to me.

The bio from You Tube says this:

"Filmed over the period of a few months in and around Edinburgh by Dave Sowerby, this video of Inspired Bicycles team rider Danny MacAskill features probably the best collection of street/street trials riding ever seen. There's some huge riding, but also some of the most technically difficult and imaginative lines you will ever see. Without a doubt, this video pushes the envelope of what is perceived as possible on a trials bike."

Credit to Band of Horses for their epic song "The Funeral."

Have a blessed Sunday!

Seriously....This is a Disease

Just one more and then really, I have so many other things to do. And tell you. And show you. But I just had to run this one past all y'all. Isn't that irritating when people from California say "y'all?" And I'm not even from Bakersfield.

So last night, I got out the DVD series that my dear friend, Teresa, loaned me. (Sorry Teresa! I know it was only TWO MONTHS ago but I had to read those books you loaned me first!)You've seen Teresa's name pop up here if you read comments. She even actually KNOWS me so right there is proof I have friends in real life. And she still comes around here. Which also shows you my friends might be as mental as I am.

Bo had been away for four days at Disneyland/Huntington Beach on her senior trip - with hey! Teresa as one of the chaperones and planner/coordinator extraordinaire - and now she was home and I was glad because I was MISSIN' her. I let her sleep until 1pm, then The Wild Man and I hunkered down to listen to all the fun details of her trip. Afterwards I paid bills, ordered a year book for her, shopped graduation announcements, worked on plans for her graduation party, sent out save-the-date emails, blogged, and then at some point, drew a breath and had an epiphany (it's like a baby but it hurts a lot less): "We gotta watch 'The Waltons' or Teresa's gonna kill me!" I mean, I'd been wanting to watch it but couldn't figure out when.

My kids have never seen it so I envisioned this tender family moment wherein midwest, depression-era values, and bonding, and all things good would be emulated and modeled for us on screen. From a writer's perspective. With Richard Thomas playing "John Boy," the writer/narrator. Bo wants to write. This would be so meaningful to her. I could feel the mother/daughter bonding being born at that very moment from my own body. It was so real I nearly nursed it, diapered it, and stuck it in a crib.

"Doesn't that sound good?" I inquired of my dual progeny. The hairy-legged child had to be pulled off "Guitar Hero" with the Jaws of Life and the girl who had just arrived from "The Happiest Place on Earth!" wasn't all that happy. She was missing her fun friend time and unbridled freedom. The bosom of her family was a poor second to the thrill-a-minute world from which she had recently transported. She also wanted to read a book while we watched. It's good to be loved.

And then there's me with possible ADD issues. (Thank you, Sharon, my dear follower friend. Your check for analysis is in the mail. You may be on to me.) The very second Richard Thomas's face loomed onto the screen I started doing it. "Look at that smile........who IS that?" This one didn't take me long. Hands down, it was Scarlet Johanson. Is Richard Thomas her father, Luke?

Again, I say, YOU be the judge.

Look at the TEETH! The nose! The shape of face! Okay, so she plucks her eyebrows. Work with me.


Alright, that's it. I'll leave you alone now. It may be that you actually have to see the lift of his head as he smiles over the pool table at Ike Godsey and the Sheriff. You might have to rent the very first episode of The Waltons. You might have to take an Excedrin after reading this and wonder what in the world you were thinking when you decided to hang out with me. Go back to your lives as they were before I tried to infect you. If you haven't caught it, run away. It is terminal. I'll live with it until I die. If I bug anymore people, that might be sooner rather than later.

Copyright 2009

Twins? YOU Be The Judge.

I have one television program I watch. That's it. I used to have two. Then I started blogging. Now any media time I have is spent here. But I do watch it, religiously, if religiously means most of the time I forget it's on and then I have to watch it through my cable company. My program is "LOST." I've been watching from the beginning and I still don't know what's going on so if you want to jump on board now, just remember: they don't call it "LOST" for no reason.

Maybe my problem is I can't focus. You know how I shared about our family affliction of morphing names? And a whole bunch of you said you have this same condition? Well, I have another problem. I can't help making face associations. I will watch a program or movie and keep thinking the whole time, "Who the heck does this actor remind me of?" And then I'll ask my family why I can't understand what's happening in the show or movie and they always say the same thing: "Aren't you WATCHING?!"

Well, uh, sorta. I'm watchin' that face.

I think I should work for the FBI or CIA or something. If some known criminal tried to slip out of the country in drag, I'd spot 'em immediately. I wouldn't necessarily crack the case but I'd say, "Hey! Stop that guy! He reminds me of somebody!" And then I'd spend my whole lunch hour replaying the tape and buggin' other agents who were watching security cameras by saying, "Can't you see it? Look. Look over here at MY monitor. See? Now who does that remind you of? What? Madea? Hey, you're right! That's Tyler Perry!"

And then they'd fire me.

But maybe I could draw my pension until I drop dead. That's what our senators and congressman get to do. They just have these short jobs and then we pay their pensions for the rest of their lives. Oh for pity's sake, how did I climb up on THAT soap box? I really should wear a seatbelt and stay in it.

Where was I? Face recognition, that's right, and that program I watch, "LOST." The actor who kept reminding me of someone is Josh Holloway. He plays a character named Sawyer, or James, depending on who's talking to him.

Another favorite actor (or actress, if you will) is Jodie Foster. And one night, after reliving movie scenes in my head, I saw it. And I exclaimed, "That's IT! That's who Sawyer reminds me of! It's Jodie Foster! They even have a similar way of talking!" No one really caught my excitement. They kept telling me to watch the program. I WAS watching and I still have no idea what's going on.

But I decided to look up those famous faces online and compare them. You tell me. Separated at birth? One very busy actor? Swimmin' in the same gene pool?

I have this affliction when we go places, too, and sometimes tell people, "You look just like my Great Aunt Gertrude." (And I don't even HAVE an Aunt Gertrude.) My husband wants to kill me or pretend I'm a vagrant he's never seen before. (That probably tells you more about how I dress than it should.) I guess it is embarrassing when the person I'm telling is the 18-year-old produce guy. I try to refrain. No really. I'm so much better than I used to be.

I have to be. I can't afford to get fired from this wife/mother job. Gotta keep workin' for life cause there's no pension whatsoever. Even though I was voted into office.

Copyright 2009

Happy Sanitarium - The Interview

The lovely lady you see to the far left in this photo is Naomi, author of "Diaries of the Happy Sanitarium". I know I shared this yesterday and don't expect you to be in your dotterage,* completely unable to remember a salient fact from as short a time ago as yesterday. However, in the event I have hundreds of new readers today who are not familiar with this tome (and the likelyhood of that is prodigious), I felt new introductions were in order. Henceforth, I will dispense with the overuse of advanced vocabulary words as I have now exhausted my vast mental lexicon. Oh hark! And anon! There is this one thing more.....

*Dotterage: A word not included in modern dictionaries but which, prima facie, is, at the least, colloquial in nature. Okay, I'm done.

Let the interview begin!

Robynn: How long have you been blogging and why did you start?

Naomi: I think I've been blogging since August 2008. I started originally to keep my family updated on our going's on up here... we live at least 5 hours away from our immediate families now, and I was tired of sending mass e-mails to family, and not really being sure of who I should include, if they consider it nagging, etc. Then I'd feel all weird if folks didn't email me back, it was like they were ignoring me speaking to them, and it made me obsess. With a blog, it's nice (really nice!) if people leave comments, but I don't feel as tho I am shoving my kid's adorable little stories in their face all the time. Nobody FORCES them to check it, after all. And, I really HATE Facebook. I know, I'm weird. But, it is a visually obnoxious web program, and that irritates me. There are reasons why there are rules for designing websites that will make people return to them. Visually obnoxious programs should not, IMHO, be used, or encouraged by anyone. It just encourages the little geeks in their little cubicles to make more visually obnoxious programs, and then the world is overrun by visual obnoxiousness.

Robynn: I couldn't agree more, Naomi. I was turning myself inside out to share, through email, stunning and revelatory information with my friends and yet it seemed few were riveted by my musings. Now that I've started a blog they complain that they never hear from me. Isn't that just the way? Oh sorry! This interview wasn't about ME was it....... Apparently I never miss an opportunity for good, cathartic therapy. Moving on......

Robynn: What has been the most fun and/or rewarding part about blogging?

Naomi: Well, when I started I had NO IDEA that so many of my friends & acquaintances through our church etc., had blogs. I just never thought about it before. But, I used to work, so never really even thought about connecting with other people. At the end of the day, I was done with other people. So, now that I'm a SAHM, it has totally forced me into this world of motherhood, where you're SO GLAD to connect with other moms who speak kid all day long as well. Blogging is a great way to do that, cuz you don't have to pay gas money or over-minutes charges on your cell phone to connect, and you don't have to make a play date to do it... you just switch the laundry, empty the dishwasher, fold a pile of clothes, put shoes away, start dinner, and then take a break for 5 minutes here and there on the computer.

Robynn: What has been your biggest surprise?

Naomi: The thing that has actually surprised me the most is how posts can totally take on a life of their own. When I'd read an author's notes on a novel, or something, I'd always sniff my nose when they'd say something like, "I couldn't wait to see how this story I've written ended!" That always made me go, "Umm. Duh, you're writing it. You should know how it ends!" But it's really true for me, in my little blogging way, sometimes my posts really sprout wings and fly in a different direction then I've planned for them, or things that I planned to get in there totally end up not working. I'm not, by any means, any sort of novelist, but it is a creative outlet using words, so I don't feel as though it is unreasonable to use that parallel example... :-)

Robynn: What are your greatest frustrations?

Naomi: Can't think of anything. If something frustrates me, I usually don't touch it at all, ever. I will blog as long as it makes me happy to do so. The day it becomes irritating is the day I quit. Life is far to short to do quit-able things that irritate you. Sadly, I cannot treat cleaning my toilets the same way.

Robynn: Have you learned anything through blogging you don't think you would have otherwise?

Naomi: I think so. I've discovered I love web design, the marketing aspect of it. I'm currently exploring options for doing more of that, as time and budget allow. I've always in the past had my fingers in marketing in one way or another at my previous jobs, and I'd love to learn more about that from a web design standpoint, as well as learning a few different web design languages. I've spent so many years hunched over a computer, I've discovered that even as a SAHM, I'm happiest at the end of the day that I've had a lot of productive time in front of the computer. Then I look at the laundry pile, and happy goes down the tubes, but it makes me momentarily happy, anyhoo.

Robynn: Do you ever feel like blogging is a waste of time or do you see it as enriching your life?

Naomi: I am on a continual quest to only do things that enrich my life, or contribute to the wellness of my family. I think it would be VERY RIDICULOUSLY easy to waste time blogging... that is why I rarely post more than 2-3 times a week, depending on what I'm posting about. But, I had to discover that when it comes to reading blogs I ONLY read blogs regularly that truly contribute to me in some way. I was getting overwhelmed for a while by blogs I was trying to fit in. I now only allow myself blogs from people I really care about or challange and uplift me...
Family/Friends blogs. One humor blog--thats' you, Robynn!--and I stop by a few of your pals as time allows. The Pioneer Woman, cuz hey, I've read her since 2006, can't stop now. Dutch Girl Cooking, cuz I love food, and I love food photography, and I actually use her recipes... so that's a keeper. And, I read Sew, Mama, Sew-- I like to keep my hand in the sewing blog world just a little bit, cuz ya never know what you might learn, but I had to stop reading a bajillion sewing blogs, because I discovered it irritated me more that it enriched me. So many great ideas, so little time. I'm like a fat kid with a tray of cupcakes when it comes to sewing projects. I WANT TO EAT THEM ALL. Or, do them all, anyway.

Robynn: Ever had any flamers or weirdos?

Naomi: Nope! Not yet. I keep this a matter of prayer. I want only encouraging and uplifting things on my blog. As I am a Christian, if someone saw something on my blog that touched them, or made them want Christ for themselves, and wanted to contact me, I would want them to be able to get in touch with me. Also, we LOVE where we live, and it's a huge part of our lives to appreciate it, so my blog wouldn't be complete without that being a part of it. I decided that if I'm to be a testimony for Christ in every aspect of my life, I'll hopefully do that in internet land as well, follow basic safety precautions, and leave the rest with Him.

Robynn: What advice would you give someone starting a blog?

Naomi: To be sure to never embarrass anyone with your blog. Sometimes you can get carried away with a story, or something, and people can inadvertantly get the wrong impression from something that you've said. Especially if you're a sarcastic sort. The written word will always be stronger than the spoken word, in that each person who reads it imagines a different tone of voice with what they're reading,and the whole copy and paste thing, and e-mail forwarding, and all that. I don't think I've ever embarrassed someone, but I would consider that to be ultimately horrifying.

Robynn: Who is your favorite blogger? (Okay, sounds like I'm pandering here but, seriously, do you have a blog that you have learned a lot from, has been especially inspirational or uplifting, or that you feel you can never miss?)

Naomi: My "read regularly" list is VERY limited, and the ones I do read are there because I walk away from them with something. I have others that I check in with every week or every couple weeks. That being said, if I read something that touches me, or causes a thought it my head, or cheers me up, or whatever, I do leave a comment. I used to not, because who cares what I think? But, since I've started blogging, I've realized how EVERY comment is read and appreciated to a blog author, so I do try to keep that in mind, and always comment when I stop by a blog.

Thank you so much, Naomi, for being willing to take the time for this interview, sharing your thoughts, and letting us get to know you. It was great getting to meet you, Frank Castle, Kiki and Debris, and the rest of the gang. Maybe we'll see each other on a four-wheel drive trail sometime. But, in the meantime, you know I'll be dropping in regularly!

Copyright 2009

Diaries of the Happy Sanitarium....Live and Unplugged!

I don't remember how Naomi and I found each other. She lives in the gorgeous state of Washington and authors the blog, "Diaries of the Happy Sanitarium" Her awe inspiring nature shot on her blog banner first caught my eye.

Soon I was reading, and laughing, and checking on the girls, and I was hooked. I loved her "mom" style and her humorous writing. I followed her....she followed me.....I enjoyed watching her little girls at ages and stages my kids had passed. And we had fun hangin' out, even though I'm old enough to be her mom.

One day, Frank Castle, her husband popped in. He was a hoot, too. And during one of the "Follow Me" promotions, he signed on as my 100th follower. I'll never forget. Triple digits felt huge. Still does! Of course, he told me I owed him ice cream, or some such extortion.

And he's a smart alec and I'm a smart alec so we got along like two smart alecs.

And they have a 4x4 and we have a 4x4. And they do a driving thing called "Going Losting," so named by their little girls, and we do a driving thing called "Point and Drive" so named by a three-year-old Wild Man. And our 4x4 is a Jeep, which is way better than their 4x4, which is a Land Rover. But not according to Frank Castle who likes to disparage our Jeep. And, of course he would, since he hasn't moved up to a Jeep yet.

So, who knew I'd ever have to make good on buying that deadbeat an ice cream until Naomi announced she had a sister who lived in Fresno and was getting married? That was gonna cost me five bucks!

You gotta pay your debts.

And if you're REALLY lucky, you get to meet blogging friends face-to-face. Being really new to blogging, I had never had the opportunity to do this and it seemed too good to miss. We made arrangements, met at a park with 400 of her relatives - just kidding - it was only 200 (all gorgeous girls, every one of 'em) - and brought dogs and kids and had some laughs. Those girls were just a CRACK up, too!

I, of course, showed up toting this so Frank Castle wouldn't be able to talk smack about me.


It wasn't the frozen version but it gave him certificates to redeem. Gotta have somethin' to do while the "Rovey" is in the shop gettin' repaired, again........

And then there were THESE lovlies! Kiki and Debris with Daisy the Dog in between them. They belong to Naomi and Frank and are the subject of many funny blog posts. If you need a new take on the term "Diary" in keeping with the Sanitarium, you should check out this post: "Sunday School Mishaps" but put your coffee down first.

Bo and Minky were in on the playground action.

My little friend, Naomi (left), with a bevy of beauties. All were here for the wedding and trying to get a little sun before the big day. The bride is in the center right with red shirt and long dark hair.

Bo tries to guide Minky (who is modeling her Aerobie Fly Toy) out of her favorite play place - any standing water - fetid, muddy, slimy, or, as a last resort, clean.

And somebody's got to be loved, adored, and kissed by all these girls. Frank Castle decided to cowboy up and meet the challenge. Some guys give til it hurts.

We had great laughs and I told Naomi I wanted to interview her when she got home (that will be up tomorrow). I would love to do that with every dear blogging friend I get to meet. I think it would be a blast!

So drop in tomorrow and see what Naomi has to say, up close and personal. You'll love her!

Copyright 2009