Crabby Tales From The Crypt(ic)

I’m sick of sick people.

I see them when I look in the mirror. They are in my bed. They are whining, clingy, needy, lazy, pathetic, dejected, and smelly. And that’s just me.

Grizzly is far worse…….no, really. He missed all of last week except Monday (I mean, I did too unless you count cooking and waiting on people and cleaning.) He tried to go to work Friday but didn’t make it and came home. He was a positive invalid all weekend. He tried to go to work on Monday but came home again in dire straits. The stomach portion of this virus attacked him within an hour of reporting for work. He is better this afternoon and evening. And I think he plans on going to work tomorrow. Please, Lord, let him be WELL.

Surely it must be. I cannot live in this frat house a moment longer. I can barely write or educate my child. I can’t keep anything cleaned up or put away. Forget laundry. I’m wearing my underwear inside out. Shoot, I'm wearing his underwear inside out. I'm the lone cook and bottle washer. Bo is gone for all intents and purposes except on weekends, The Wild Man is only now making his full recovery, and I am possibly, this evening, finally feeling as though I might be able to stop the barking seal imitation. Though a lot of good it’s done me. No one has even thrown me a fish. That might be too much like cooking!

Do I sound testy to you?

I am desperate for cleanliness. I am insane with the sound of opening and closing drawers, refrigerator doors, pantries, cupboards, laptops, and vitamin bottles. EVERY DRAWER IN MY HOUSE SQUEAKS ON ITS RUNNERS and has for YEARS. (Oh my good glory. The junk drawer just opened and closed for the 780th time since I’ve been writing.) And no one gets anything out and puts it away. NO ONE.

(I’m running away to wherever this chick is. Scoot over, Betty, and pass the “Lucosade,” if that’s what we’re calling it. And by the way, how’d you get THIS gig? I need lessons.)

Perhaps I should mention that I’m also worried I might be a vampire.

No, I have no taste for blood. But I also have no reflection. I couldn’t have. I don’t see Grizzly hovering by my side of the bed asking about my health, offering water, feeling my head, imploring me to eat well, to rest. I’m positive that must be due to my invisibility. Nothing else would make the least sense. A lone flower would change my life. One cup of soup that I didn’t prepare myself might send me into paroxysms of rapture Scarlett O’Hara couldn’t have adequately dramatized.

Oh, yes. I know I’m having a pity party. It’s the only socializing I’m up to. But don’t worry. I’ll do all the work and clean up after myself. It’s what I do!

Copyright 2009

Drop in to 30 Day Throw Down! and get your answers about raw milk, soy milk, and REAL FOOD.

The Swine Flu. Remember This Guy?

We’re pretty sure he’s visiting us.

What I thought was food poisoning for The Wild Man last week may have actually been the swine flu. Apparently, it is not unusual for kids to develop stomach issues along with this virus. I took him to the doctor yesterday after a week of this and he has upper respiratory involvement as well which wasn’t even detectable amid all the other symptoms. After hours searching through websites and the CDC and NIH about swine flu I discovered this:

Kids often have stomach involvement with diarrhea. A small percentage of adults may experience this as well.

You can have the swine flu and not have a fever, though TWM had a heck of a fever. That was an extremely baffling component of the outbreak in Mexico. They had people testing positive for H1N1 who were sick but had no fevers.

It can manifest itself differently in different individuals. At Bo’s college they had five kids test positive the first day. One left in an ambulance and others were mildly ill.

Monday, it took me about three hours to develop a horrid cough. Grizzly came home from work with the exact same symptoms. We literally got sick within one hour of each other. He spiked a high fever and looked like he was going to die. Had he gotten any more cantankerous, I might have accommodated him. We sound like a TB ward around here with all the coughing and hacking but I am less sick than he is. I just feel like a Mac truck hit me and want to lay down every minute and sleep. But we eat VERY well, take our vitamins, and are showing some signs of improvement today.

You can’t avoid this thing entirely. But you can eat well and take care of yourself so if it comes to visit, it doesn’t feel welcome to stick around. I can’t help you with your relatives.

Please visit me at 30 Day Throw Down! to join a whole lot of us who are eating for REAL. :)

Copyright 2009

Pig Deal

I have acted like a pig.

I have eaten like a pig.

I have EATEN a pig.

I like Miss Piggy.

I have an all-time favorite movie about a pig.

I have an all-time favorite book about a pig.

I've been to football games where they toss around a pig skin.

I used to be married to a man who behaved like a pig. (Sorry, pigs everywhere, that wasn't fair.)

(Not my actual first husband. This guy looks much nicer, is a snappier dresser, and probably never held a loaded gun on his wife - and that's not even what I divorced him for!)

I have wished we had a store named "Piggly Wiggly" just because it's fun to say.

I have even played, "This little piggy went to market" (but I didn't actually eat the toes).

However, I have never, nor do I now, want anything to do with THIS pig.