Thursday, April 15, 2010

What Not to Wear

Perhaps this would be better titled: What Not to Share. But if one cannot humiliate oneself and get a blog post out of it, then really, what’s the point of humiliation?

Let’s consider three different shoe combinations, shall we? These are perfectly acceptable. They may not be your taste but I have foot problems (why of course I do – is there anything on my body which functions normally? No Virginia, there is no Santa Clause-only Dr. Scholl’s), and so they have to have a little heel, but not too much. And they have to have great arch support. These qualify and are therefore a shoe of choice: (Pay no attention to the wrinkly ankles.)

image

And again, this next pair has suited me so well they are nearly worn to a frazzle, like their owner:

image

While each of these pairs of shoes are perfectly acceptable on their own, combining them seems to be a fashion error:

image

And I think we could all agree it would be decidedly silly to think you could go into public with this combo and so, of course, we wouldn’t. Unless you’re me and then, of course, you would. It would happen while once again dressing in the dark, which we know always gets me in trouble – (if you’ve forgotten the underwear incident or never read it you can horrify yourselves HERE).

This time, it was apparently too much trouble to turn on the light in the entry way and actually survey the shoe basket. I simply reached in with my toes and felt my way around. Now, due to neuropathy in my feet from an unknown cause (no, it’s not diabetes), I have little “sensing” abilities. I can’t always tell when my feet are even touching something, let alone the RIGHT something. I’ve been known to shove a turned over toe into a closed shoe and not even realize it immediately. Consequently, I’m supposed to be careful but careful and I don’t get along that well so we don’t hang out as often as we should.

And so confident was I that all was right, I merrily flitted out the door and drove myself to community choir. And really, all would have been well, indeed possibly even undetected, if our dear choir director – thank you, Licia – had not insisted we all gather together out of our graduated seating positions and join one another in a large and convivial circle on the floor, where we might blend our voices in harmonious rapture.

The only problem was that would mean we were all looking at each other – from the ground up – full view – no hidden feet behind the chair in front of you. But I gave it not a second thought. I did not presume for a moment to be concerned about anything other than the part I was supposed to sing – in tune and on time. However, when others – yes, Kaylee, I mean YOU – happen to consider your frame (knowing it is weak), and they casually observe your less-than-desirably-shod situation, they are inclined to become uncontrollably hysterical, and, in so doing, they will draw others into their frivolity, happily revealing the source by pointing and laughing to the point of tears.

You will woefully realize, upon closer examination of your feet, that your extremities are the source of this spontaneous merriment. What are you to do under such circumstances? Why nothing more than to take a spin around the circle of song birds, advertise your feet, and allow them to crow more loudly.

And then you simply resume singing when everyone is done wetting their pants and crying, because, after all, it IS me.

No one really expects anything different.



“For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbours, and laugh at them in our turn?” Mr. Bennet, Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen.

©Copyright 2010

32 comments:

  1. I have the same black criss cross sandals. I should be looking for a different pair to mix them with for the Robynn look.
    My boss came to work with two different shoes on once. We got a lot of mileage out of that one.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm reading a fascinating book about tipping points, in fashion there's no way to tell when a new fad will begin, but I will be looking for this one to take off! Great post, dear Robynn!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. That is pretty funny. I am sure it was embarrassing though. Thanks for starting my day with a giggle. You have a good one too.

    ReplyDelete
  4. You handled it much better than I. I was at a small (7 people) teacher's meeting, when the snobby one noticed and went on. It had been a rough year for me at a school I wasn't coming back to, all the while worried about getting another job and having an impending mortgage on our in-progress custom home we were building. Worst time of my adult life. If it's possible to imagine, I cried and laughed at the same time.

    ReplyDelete
  5. If I would have been there with you, I would have danced around the room with you and had a fun laugh. Afterall, isn't that what we're supposed to do in life, laugh?
    I also love your quote from Pride and Prejudice. Great movie!
    Have a good day and hoping that Jamie is doing better.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh, my darling. SO funny!!! I love it!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oops! That's very funny. I haven't done anything like that yet. I'm a little surprised that I haven't because...I'm Kelly. No other explanation needed.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Only YOU my dear friend, could pull this off so well! This is the Robynn I've come to know and love!! And I have to say, you do have quite lovely feet!

    ReplyDelete
  9. My goal is to visit everyone who cheered me on during the read-a-thon last weekend, thanks for that.

    Separately I just love both pairs of sandals and together well...

    ReplyDelete
  10. My German friend stayed a year with us in the early 80's, teaching here. She favoured a particular kind of shoe for work and had several pairs in different colours. Her class were tittering away all day because of course the first thing they noticed was the last thing she did; One was black, one was blue. They put her out of her misery after lunch but seh had to have the last word. Summoning up her very best German accent she said "Zis iss noo for you?"

    ReplyDelete
  11. That is hilarious!! My mom gets special shoes for her feet for support.

    Thanks for sharing my blog with your friend. I hope that it can help her!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Oh that is so cute...I'm sure you didn't think so at the time but "it is what it is", right, what else could you do but parade around until they'd had their fill!!! :0)

    My husband gets up earlier than I do...he never turns the light on and on occasion he has come home for something and I've casually mentioned that he has his shirt on inside out...it doesn't faze him though...he truly couldn't care less!!! He works construction so it is unlikely any of the fellows would even notice!!! :0)
    Cheers

    ReplyDelete
  13. What a fun post that has given me a much needed grin!! I have to admit that "I've been there and done that!!" I even forgot to put on my "good shoes" and got to work with my "barn shoes" on...Good thing Target is near my office!

    ReplyDelete
  14. What a wonderful moment that was!!!
    It was a wonderfully "healing" laugh - and one of many that night - but Robynn - there is none like you!
    My husband reached in a clothes basket one morning on his way to his electrician's job. During the day he thought that his overalls were rubbing his chest raw - so he lowered the bib at lunch with his buddies - only to find out that he'd put on one of my t-shirts (fushia pink with a big bow on the pocket) Men can be merciless!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Well, can't say I've donned two different style shoes...but I did once wear a blue pump and a black one ...and didn't notice until I arrived at work...ready to lecture my students about the glories of Shakespeare...So, darling Robynn...I would not be laughing...but empathizing...Love you so much! And as always, you have the most wonderful sense of timing with your stories...a fabulously funny post! Love, always, Janine XO

    ReplyDelete
  16. Oh Robynn - I don't think Kaylee has seen this yet! I've got to go get her :-) for yet another round of uproarious laughter!
    Lori

    ReplyDelete
  17. "uproarious laughter!!!!" :D hahahahah! I remember that being one of the best laughs of my LIFE!! Thank you for providing such high class entertainment. :0p Yer the best. :)

    ReplyDelete
  18. Oh Robynn ... too funny. And how generous of you to allow them their merriment...

    ReplyDelete
  19. That's hilarious and reminds me of the time I walked all the way to our grocery store with my new born son before I realized I was wearing bight orange monkey slippers. I blame it on being a new mother:)

    ReplyDelete
  20. It's good to know that you can provide a bit of comic relief! Something we all need and should do daily! By the way, I love your taste in shoes. They are what I would have chosen myself! Love Di ♥

    ReplyDelete
  21. Hi Robynn,

    I love the song that you commented about-Still by Gerritt Hofsink. It's one of my favorites. It's interesting that you should comment about Right to Life and abortion because it is right up my alley. I know the exact emotions a woman who has experienced abortion faces because I have been there.

    You can go to the link below to read Jordan's story. In the story I have links that go to even more of my journey after abortion, including a poem that I wrote that has helped at least one woman choose life for her child.

    http://haasfamilyblessings.blogspot.com/2009/12/jordans-story.html

    ReplyDelete
  22. Perfect Jane Austen Quote at the end!
    Love your shoes , Love your red nails!

    ReplyDelete
  23. It's a good thing you have a sense of humor

    ReplyDelete
  24. hi again. also look out on ravelry.com for the pattern, again Rasmilla as Designer.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I think your new fashion trend could become very popular.;)
    Lovely pedicure.;)
    Thank you for your kind comment at my place yesterday.;)
    xo

    ReplyDelete
  26. Hey. At least you remembered your shoes. I often leave without mine.

    ReplyDelete
  27. What cute little toes!
    We all should learn to take life in stride like you do and be able to laugh at ourselves without apology!

    ReplyDelete
  28. HA HA HA!!! The funniest part about that is how TOTALLY NOT alike those shoes are! Sometimes you'll see people do that with the same style shoe - just different colors, but those weren't even close! HA HA!!! Couldn't you feel that air on your toes -on ONE foot?

    Smiling before bed. :)
    Lynnette

    ReplyDelete
  29. Lynette, that's the thing. These doggone feet just don't detect what they should or they MIGHT have felt the air!! Makes sense for normal feet but not mine.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Thanks for starting my day with a giggle. You have a good one too.
    post free classified ads

    ReplyDelete