Saturday, October 31, 2009

Little Doghouse on The Prairie

It’s Halloween, children. Time for a story.

A long, long time ago, there was a dog named JoJo who was very happy being an only dog. However, she was unable to convey this to her loopy owners. They were convinced that JoJo’s life would be enriched by a canine companion. They talked about getting another dog but no one did anything, which was fine with Jo. Then one day, JoJo’s Great Aunt Sandy decided they needed a little Chihuahua puppy who was looking for a home. For a small fee they could own a nearly invisible dog who was so tiny JoJo might actually think she had a flea instead of a friend.

The children thought it would be fun to name her Lassie because she looked nothing like a famous dog with this name. The children of this family were as strange as the parents. So Lassie came home one evening to the delight of the children. But not JoJo.

Lassie was very afraid and everyone did all they could to make her comfortable. They kissed her, held her, fed her, and babied her. She seemed to relax, though she always shook as if there were a gale force wind in the living room.

Lassie’s favorite pastime was peeing and pooping on the carpet. This made her owners very unhappy. It made JoJo disgusted. It made the children and the father blind for they could not see little tootsie rolls laying right in their path. It was like a Christmas Miracle that only the mother could see them.

No matter what they did, they could not train Lassie to go potty outside. JoJo tried to show her but Lassie, like the children and father, pretended she couldn’t see things right in front of her such as the pet door that led to the outside world. She felt the indoor bathroom was much more convenient and warm and did not feel an outhouse was necessary.

The mother got very annoyed with this position and would give the wee dog scathing looks which caused her to shake and look decidedly guilty. But it did not cause her to poop elsewhere. That’s when the mother got a brilliant idea. She would return this dog to her dear Aunt who had two more dogs exactly like Lassie. The mother thought that Lassie might learn from dogs her own size and the Aunt thought it was a marvelous idea, though she had to convince her husband, The Ogre.

The Ogre was not happy but the switch was made. Lassie did learn to go to the bathroom where dogs should go (or so it was presumed) and she was thrilled to have dogs around her who were also the same size as fleas. They played and ran and soon she became queen of the castle. She also made the Ogre love her and fuss over her as if she were a real princess daughter and not simply a dog. And they all lived, and are still living, happily ever after.

You may think this is the end of the story, but it’s not. JoJo went back to being an only dog and was very happy with this arrangement until her parents decided she should have another companion. That’s when Minky came to live with them, which is another story altogether. JoJo was just as thrilled as before.

And while Lassie was still living with JoJo and her family, the children who were completely unable to see little dog tootsie rolls laying about on the carpet, could see the possibilities in dressing up this tiny dog in doll clothes. The little girl who lived there even made a miniature prop background to feature the wee dog in photos. And JoJo was also arrayed for the occasion which made her all the more thrilled to see the little dog go. It became apparent to Jo that Lassie’s influence over the children was horrid.

And now, this is the end. Except for the pictures. And we all know those are worth a thousand words, though that never stops the author from using a thousand words and many more besides, even long after they have ceased to mean anything.

Now, go and have a very fun night and try to dress up as perfectly as our models. They have a story of their own they tell other dogs when they attempt to explain these incriminating photos.

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“Life on the prairie was hard. We had to do everything in long dresses. Going to the bathroom was nearly impossible. Stories of my indiscretions often leave out the fact that I was hobbled by outfits such as this.”

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“You can see how the bitter years took their toll on my mother, JoJo, here. She looks crabby and disgusted. She was.”

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“This view shows you just how much dress I had to endure. It made me tough, though. And lean. And shaky. I think it weighed more than I did.”

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“Here I am as that prairie wind began to whip up and threaten my very existence.”

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“Some say I look like Granny Clampett from the Beverly Hillbillies in this photo. I have no idea who that is but she must be seriously good looking.”

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“As Jo is my witness, I will never go to the bathroom outdoors again!”

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“And thus ends my tail. Happy Howloween.”

© 2009

38 comments:

  1. This is seriously and wonderfully hilarious! The story and those pictures! Oh my... and JoJo.. I feel for you! Really I do!

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  2. Ok, I'm not into dressing up pets, but NOW I'm going to see every little dressed-up creature as one who has a story to tell! Thanks for starting my Halloween with a laugh! Poor JoJo, that's all I've got to say. Loved it! Wish I had just an inkling of your funny bone. :)

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  3. Thanks for the super wonderful story, Robynn! I will try to post pictures of our adventure to Vancouver on my blog today. They kept my iMac so I am laboring with my laptop, and then we had a windstorm and lost power all night! Obviously it's back this morning. Thanks for the great ankle biter pictures!

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  4. Ha ha! ROFL! This is great Robynn! The pictures are hilarious :) And naming her "Lassie?" Brilliant!

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  5. hi there! very funny post--my dd willcrack up when i show her! Happy Halloween, glad tobbe blogging again, laura

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  6. Love them...
    Love dogs and cats...and basically all animals.
    Jackie

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  7. the prarie background cracks me up!

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  8. HAHAHAHAHA!This puts me in mind of a night where the only thing Hannah and I did was dress Lassie in such outfits as these!!! Poor dear.....hahahaha. It does make for stinkin adorable photos though. Thanks for the post. :-p
    Kaylee bean

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  9. "It made your family blind..." OMGosh, you crack me up.
    ...and the pics AND captions... ha!
    Thanks for the smile x2.
    :-)

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  10. Oh, you are just too, too funny for words!!!! Loving the Granny Clampett line!!!! And the photos are simply a hoot!!!! Only you and your family would ever be brilliant enough to pull off such a feat!!!! Truly howling with laughter over this post!!!! And I love the way you wrote this in third person!!! What a wonderful frame for such a funny tail--I mean, tale!! I never fail to be amazed by your creativity! Love you so much! ~Janine XO

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  11. OHMIGOSH! I forgot to put my tea down first... but I don't care!! This was well worth the mess I made! I aboslutely, without a shred of doubt, love this to bits!!!
    YOU, my friend, are a fantastic story teller, and I've gotta share this with everyone I know!
    *snort, snort, guffaw !!!*

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  12. Granny Clampett indeed!! That was too funny, you just crack me up Robynn! I expect to see you on Jay Leno one of these days! Happy Halloween!

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  13. Those pictures are just too funny! Poor dogs! ;-)

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  14. Now that was quite a story and what adorable pictures!! I'm always dressing up our Chinese Crested. I think it is the burden those toy dogs must endure.
    P.S. - MM is home and your apron is finally on it's way to you.

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  15. That is the funniest thing you have ever posted! I love it.

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  16. Yes, yes I must say I do see the resemblance of Granny Clampett - cute and very funny post Robynn!
    Poor doogies all dressed up what they had to endure....we did just as much with our dog growing up. Although she got dressed up at Matt Dillon of Gun Smoke...holsters, guns and all!!!

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  17. To funny!!! Love that story!!Still laughing!!

    Keep on Truckin

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  18. Everyone in my house is asleep and I am sitting here looking at Laura Ingles Barker and laughing hysterically. OH SHOOT ROBYNN! Those pictures are just too funny!!

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  19. LOL - You have a way with words woman!

    And yes that beverly hillybillies depictions is close :)

    I hope you had a happy treating with candy.

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  20. That is too funny! I love the first pic of the two of them dressed up together.

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  21. OMGosh, OMGosh, OMGosh! I am rolling with laughter! It's Granny!! Bwhahaha! I've got to thank Jennifer for sending me here!

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  22. Dust Bunny sent me over here - and I'm glad she did! What a hoot.

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  23. The pictures are a hoot. JoJo is such a patient dog. I know Thor would not like being something other than an only dog; he offers JoJo his sympathy. And Lassie does look like Granny Clampett, now that you mention it!

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  24. !!!! I LOVE THOSE PICTURES!!! Oh, that is just so sweet... we used to dress our dog in dark glasses... poor love. This brings it all back! xxxx

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  25. Cute, cute, CUTE!!
    Looking forward to the next episode of"Little Doghouse on The Prairie" - these two clearly have many stories to tell!

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  26. Dust Bunny Hostage sent me over. All I have to say is.....Bwahahahahahahaha.

    Have a terrific day. :)

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  27. I am so laughing ... ToonMan's daughter had a chihuahua named Sugar Bear who is slightly bigger than Lassie ... and she put a PIG costume on Sugar, took her photo and made a Halloween card out of it which she sent us ... ah Lassie and Sugar...faces only a mother could love

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  28. Too cute! I am not a Chihuahua fan, but Lassie sure is cute! JoJo is more my speed, though. Love the pictures!

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  29. Made my day!!! The pics make it even better!!! LOL!!!

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  30. OH WHAT A JOYFUL POST! I LOVED EVERY WORD AND PHOTO OF IT!!!!

    Linda
    http://coloradofarmlife.wordpress.com

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  31. A long long time ago in a prairie far far away....Half Pint would be proud and Nellie would be jealously plotting to steal their outfits!

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  32. Too funny! I couldn't read your story outloud because my lab would hear it. He is recovering from time spent with a Miniature Pincher...who no longer lives with us!

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  33. so very cute! I have a friend who used to have that kind of dog and she did the exact same thing - she shook all the time. I used to wonder if she was scared or cold or what, but I was assured by my friend that it was normal.

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  34. Gosh, this reminds me of a little book I had as a girl with puppies and kittens dressed up as nursery rhymes. Too funny!!

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