Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Crabby Tales From The Crypt(ic)

I’m sick of sick people.

I see them when I look in the mirror. They are in my bed. They are whining, clingy, needy, lazy, pathetic, dejected, and smelly. And that’s just me.

Grizzly is far worse…….no, really. He missed all of last week except Monday (I mean, I did too unless you count cooking and waiting on people and cleaning.) He tried to go to work Friday but didn’t make it and came home. He was a positive invalid all weekend. He tried to go to work on Monday but came home again in dire straits. The stomach portion of this virus attacked him within an hour of reporting for work. He is better this afternoon and evening. And I think he plans on going to work tomorrow. Please, Lord, let him be WELL.

Surely it must be. I cannot live in this frat house a moment longer. I can barely write or educate my child. I can’t keep anything cleaned up or put away. Forget laundry. I’m wearing my underwear inside out. Shoot, I'm wearing his underwear inside out. I'm the lone cook and bottle washer. Bo is gone for all intents and purposes except on weekends, The Wild Man is only now making his full recovery, and I am possibly, this evening, finally feeling as though I might be able to stop the barking seal imitation. Though a lot of good it’s done me. No one has even thrown me a fish. That might be too much like cooking!

Do I sound testy to you?

I am desperate for cleanliness. I am insane with the sound of opening and closing drawers, refrigerator doors, pantries, cupboards, laptops, and vitamin bottles. EVERY DRAWER IN MY HOUSE SQUEAKS ON ITS RUNNERS and has for YEARS. (Oh my good glory. The junk drawer just opened and closed for the 780th time since I’ve been writing.) And no one gets anything out and puts it away. NO ONE.

(I’m running away to wherever this chick is. Scoot over, Betty, and pass the “Lucosade,” if that’s what we’re calling it. And by the way, how’d you get THIS gig? I need lessons.)


Perhaps I should mention that I’m also worried I might be a vampire.

No, I have no taste for blood. But I also have no reflection. I couldn’t have. I don’t see Grizzly hovering by my side of the bed asking about my health, offering water, feeling my head, imploring me to eat well, to rest. I’m positive that must be due to my invisibility. Nothing else would make the least sense. A lone flower would change my life. One cup of soup that I didn’t prepare myself might send me into paroxysms of rapture Scarlett O’Hara couldn’t have adequately dramatized.

Oh, yes. I know I’m having a pity party. It’s the only socializing I’m up to. But don’t worry. I’ll do all the work and clean up after myself. It’s what I do!

Copyright 2009

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  1. Oh boy. Poor thing! If I lived nearby I'd help out! I know what you are talking about, although for the most part I cared for just myself, things around the house deteriorated very quickly! The stress of that didn't help one bit.

    Healing thoughts and patience to all of you!!

  2. So, so sorry that you are down and out. I am lifting up prayers for you right now - and washing my hands just in case it travels thru cyberspace!
    Bill and I went to Huntington Lake and stayed in the Cowboy Cabin at Lakeside for our 39th anniversary - yes tell me what a good wife I am to go fishing on my/our anniversary!
    Love you C

  3. Oh, poor poor you! I think we all recognize and hate that man-flu syndrome! No wonder we women are always the last to get well again - that's because we don't have time to rest and heal....

    Lots of love winging its way to you...

  4. Oh, you poor chook! Being crook when you are the lady of the manor is the worst. I'm sure everything that urks you is multiplied by 100. I basically don't get ill for that reason, I can count on one hand (5 fingers) the times I have been ill since I've had my babies in the past 19 years. I know, nothing gets done yet you are still expected to rally and cook a meal, tidy, wash etc.
    Sure hope you are feeling better soon (and the rest of the household too).


    Maybe you have what my word verification is:

    Sounds like a good ailment!

  5. Oh, you poor poor soul. Wish I lived down the road and could arrive with freshly made bread and gorgeous smelling soup, and make your bed all sweet smelling too... with fresh flowers by it. Oh, and make all the drawers stop squeaking. And hug you tight and say it will all be better soon. But I dont. I live miles and miles away.
    And you've never even met me... but can I just say that it will all be better soon. Show your man this post so that he might see how you are. And phone your best friend and have a long and detailed moan.
    Hugs and kisses. Rest. xxxxxxxxx

  6. Men eh?! Glad you are both starting to feel better. You really appreciate good health when you have a bad bout that knocks you sideways. We all need our mummies when we get sick!

  7. Hope everyone will be back to their healthy selves soon. I wish I could pop in to give you a hand and bring you some soup.

    It's amazing to me how we womanfolk only get one day a year to be pampered (Mother's Day) and even then we get to clean the mess away afterwards.

  8. I am hoping you and the rest of the invalids feel better soon ... and that someone brings you a cup of tea or bowl of soup ..

  9. Wish I could just swoop in and fix you up with whatever I could :) In my house nobody hovers over me either... I am on an island when I am sick. So us women have to stick together! Hope the bug is gone soon!

  10. Are they making the shot for swine flue available yet?
    I feel your pain my house is in a disaterous mode.I'm wondering what will happen
    ((((((((Hugging You))))))) Darcy

  11. Boy have I ever been there, and will probably be there again.

    Healing thoughts to you and yours!


  12. Okay - I linked the interview. It's linked in my blog post Robynn. :)(Haven't read this blog post yet - I'm in the middle of school, but I'll read it in a bit).

    Have a lovely day.

  13. Hey! My name is monica and found your blog off of the comments on sara's blog. I created a blog button for her family. Please go to my blog to get it and place it on your blog to bring awareness to their situation! Praying for a miracle!


  14. Gah! That sounds horrible! I hope you get to feeling better soon. I had surgery in August and I've yet to clean my house since. It is pretty bad. Jon does a little but it will have to wait a few more weeks before I can even attempt to clean. Yes, weeks. It's the sucks.

    And I have no idea about the button thing. Sounds like a scam.

  15. Poor Robynn! I hate being sick with a cold/flu- it's the worst and takes so long to go away! I actually have a sore throat right now and am praying that it doesn't turn into something more

    Here's hoping you and your family are finally on the mend. :)

  16. Ugh, I hate when the husband is sick. And it's 10x worse when I'm sick with him. I feel for ya!

    But I did bust out laughing when you wrote you were wearing his undies inside out! Bwahahaha!

  17. There is nothing like being sick to make us feel great -- when we get over it. It sounds like you're on your way, from the tone of this post, anyway. All of your women friends who can commiserate with your lack of visibility... I am fortunate, my husband takes better care of ME than I do of HIM.

  18. Oh you poor, poor baby! I think we can ALL relate to what you're going through, because most of us have - at one time or another - been through it.Men and illness... *sigh*
    It sucks the proverbial, doesn't it???
    If I were there, you know that you wouldn't have to lift a finger, and I would do the cooking, cleaning, and bed changing (is there anything nicer than fresh sheets when you're sick?) and I would even deal with those squeaky drawers!
    The wooden ones, as well as the inside out man ones. Which I 'hope' aren't squeaky.

    And hey, I figure if Grizzly is well enough to even attempt going to work, the least he can do is fix you a cup of tea on his way out the door, eh'?
    ***Healthy Hugs to you, my sweet little Nacho friend**

  19. You poor woman! If I were near I would make you some soup, something to drink, and clean up your kitchen! Ugh, it is hard to be down.

  20. LOL...I know it is all true but it sure sounds funny when you put all together!

    Seriously, so sorry you had to keep going when you needed the rest...
    Why don't you do what I do when I get sick..."nothing" husband always takes up the slack and does for both him and I. Now when we both aren't feeling well, which I can only remember twice in all these years, it all depends on who is the sickest...they get to do "nothing"...the other takes up the slack... :0)

    I sure hope someone brings you something to drink, a nice bowl of soup, does a bit of laundry so you can wear your own underwear, and brings you a lovely flower...even if it is from your own garden!!!

  21. I'm so sorry...but I do have one of those (almost)perfect husbands. When he's home, he will wait on me hand and foot. He's also a pretty darn good patient (except for getting him to go to the doctor)! If I could just get him to put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher...he's be 100%

    Hope you're feeling much better very soon...and that you find your reflection!

  22. Robyn,
    I find myself cringing at the sound of a cabinet door slamming and I'm not even sick. You are funny even in the worst of times. You WILL get through because you are "The Mom". And on the other side, you will have new material! We all love you and wish you a speedy recovery. Teri.

  23. So sorry things are still not right at your house and Grizzly is still so sick. Hope all is well soon.

  24. On top of all this, you are totally insanely hilarious! Hope all of you are well soon and things get back to normal, if there is a normal in your household!

  25. So sorry! If I was close by I would be over in a flash to put my OCD to work in your favor.....

    Get better and don't sweat the small stuff!

  26. Thankyou for the compliment your such a sweetheart have you received your tape measure? Hugs Darcy

  27. If I was there I'd feel your fevered brow, fluff your pillows, let you gaze upon me with those pitiful "Lord I feel so bad" eyes and make you some home made potato soup...
    What is it about the male of the species? They get sick and go completely helpless... and men think they are the stronger of the sexes...

    Feel better Sass, and get the WD 40 for those drawer rollers or something!


    w.v. - outhorst is that where you sound raspier than any one else with a bad throat?

  28. Oh, my goodness...I'm rolling!!!! Your rants leave me breathless!! Your wit fired by your fury!!! You are a gem, my dear friend!!! A real keeper! Love you so much~Janine XO

  29. Hee hee. You're funny even when you're sick. Hope you feel better soon, and hope those drawers don't cause you to blow someones brains out before it's over. Feel better!

  30. Don't spare our feeling's Tell us how you really feel.....

    Praying for better days ahead!


  31. Well, thanks for the chuckle! I see you haven't lost your sense of humor! Hope you get to feeling better real soon. I like the label below your post "Men who are ill and women who want to shoot them but don't".

    Yeah, how it is that when women are sick we still have to carry on and the men are allowed to act like babies!?

  32. Oh honey! I've been there. A few years ago the boys got it then passed it me. I got a double dose of running to the bathroom every 20 minutes. But I still had to feed them. It sucks being a single mom. Worse if you are married since you expect the spouse to help and well, it ain't gonna happen. Cyber hugs b/c I don't want to catch anything.