DEAR READERS.....A new reader dropped by today I've never heard from. She thinks this post was too long and maybe more of you would have read it if I had taken each question as a separate post. You know it's not really my style to milk anything - feels like I'm trying to drag you back over - but I'm open to suggestions if you think she's right. Am I keeping you all too long?! Let me know!
And so we continue from a few days ago......
7. Who was your FIRST best friend & do you still talk?
Jeannette. And Yes. Here she is a few weeks ago with her Sam Elliot look-alike husband, Kevin. (People stop the man on the street!) They came up from Bakersfield for a visit just out of the blue.
We go waaaayyy back and spent many years at the same little backwater Baptist Church together as well as keeping constant company as families. She is Deep and I am Wide. That officially makes us a Sunday School song.
Grizzly and I LOVVVVE them and are guaranteed to be in stitches whenever we are together. I mean, look at them. Their PICTURES make you laugh. And none of us even tries. Either we’re all naturally funny – which is what WE believe – or we're basically moronic – which is what everyone else is going with. It is irrelevant to us. (The reality? EVERYONE loves this woman and thinks she's brilliant! She has a following and an entourage. You can hardly get an audience with her. Good thing I know where she lives. Oh wait. She's moving. Now that I think of it, she hasn't given me a forwarding address.)
In spite of this latest set back, I continue to text her and don't think I've ever told her I have ALWAYS loved her name. We've been best friends since we were about four-years-old. We have so much shared history and heartache that our lives are forever and inextricably woven. We refer to ourselves as sisters – far more than best friends. No one would believe either of our family stories. WE don’t even believe it and we were there. What we have left is God’s goodness and grace to us, along with laughter. No one laughs like those who don’t have better sense. I LOVE you, sister girl.
8. Whose wedding did you attend the FIRST time?
I think it was Sharon and H.L.’s. I would have been about 12? All I remember was that you could hear her girdle swishing with each step and pass of her thighs as she walked down the aisle. It was the girdle era. We never left home without one. I bought my first around the same age, for my size 3 frame. I remember watching my mother twist and yank and pull her way into one every time she got dressed and then use the Jaws of Life to get out of it at days end. But we looked good and really, isn’t that the main thing?
(I mean, what woman wouldn’t be comfortable in THIS?)
But swishing was a side-effect if your thighs rubbed together. I’m sure I’d make big points with this memory. That’s okay. I’ve been on Sharon's list for years. Shortly after she gave birth to her first baby I walked into the hospital room, took one look at her stomach, and asked her when the baby was gonna be born. It went over well. Who knew your stomach still looked eight months pregnant one day after delivery? I thought everything just immediately snapped back into place. My youngest baby is 14. I’m still waiting for the snap back. Sharon would be thrilled.
9. Tell us about your FIRST roommate.
I was going to say my sister but now I’m remembering it was my brother. They put my crib in his room. He was six. He had cowboys and indians on his wallpaper with a dark green background. I would look at him through the slats in my crib. My mom used to iron in there. Don’t ask me why or why this is in any way relevant. Relevancy is overrated.
He and my uncle, who was ten years older than me, decided one day to shoot up the wallpaper with their water guns – filled with lemonade. It didn’t go over that well.
Someone in the family used to wind up a clown that played Brahm’s Lullaby while it turned around in circles. It sat on a table by my crib and the winding and playing were a nightly ritual. I HATED that thing but was without speech to protest. I just had to lay there and watch through the slats. I detest clowns to this day. So, maybe my brother and the clown were my first roommates. This could explain a lot.
10. If you had one wish, what would it be (other than more wishes)?
That all clowns would have to wear girdles. Over their faces.
11. What is something you would learn if you had the chance?
How to find a good agent for my excellent book. And then I would learn how to write an excellent book.
12. Did you marry the FIRST person you were in love with?
Well, any long term readers of this blog will remember the answer to this from my post False Teeth and Pastors. I was tragically dumped at age four by Ronnie Miller who threw me over, withOUT notice, for some chick named Sharon (a different Sharon than the one referenced above). He married her after pledging his troth to me. Maybe I misunderstood and it was his trough he was pledging. But if so, I didn’t get that either.
13. What were the first lessons you ever took and why?
Guitar. So I could play and sing. I still do it all these years later. Any interest in hearing a redneck recording I did with Bo a few weeks back? It’s not professional by ANY means and was done in the study instead of a studio. But maybe I can figure out how to post it here. You can let me know if the money for the guitar lessons was wasted and should have been spent on a voice coach instead.
14. What is the first thing you do when you get home?
Lock the door. I have safety issues. You never know when some clown might try to get in.