Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Ima Bawlin’

Okay. I’m just gonna say it straight out. I’m a blubbering mess. Well, I was yesterday. I sat at Teresa’s, my dear friend, (thank you, Lord, for friends who just have to put up with us) and made her watch while I used up her whole box of Kleenex. My way of life with this first born child has come to an end as college began for her on Monday. I homeschooled her for 13 years. And I raised her for this day. Now I’m beating down my friend’s door and gettin’ her couch wet and throwin’ tissues all over her floor.

Do you see this girl?

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This happy girl?

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This laughing, spirited, carefree girl?

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Her mother looks nothing like this.

Her mother has separation anxiety. But that’s not new for me. I find it hard to say good-bye to people I make friends with in the grocery store line.

Not this girl. This girl is a mover-on-er. She’s pretty sure the world is her oyster and she’s crackin’ open every shell.

I’m pretty sure I’m going back to bed.

But I’ll survive. I’ll dry up. Life is about adjustment. And letting go. And moving on. And celebrating change. And embracing the joy of new discoveries.

What a lot of crappy platitudes. Where’s my Kleenex?!

Copyright 2009

55 comments:

  1. I can't even imagine how hard it must be. I at least have another 12 years...I hope. :-)

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  2. I'm sending you Kleenex and a big bunch of healthy carrots to help you through this.

    OK - darn the carrots. Chocolate is the only way to get through this!

    I'm having separation anxiety just reading this. Bo is so beautiful and full of confidence! You did good, ma!

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  3. Aaaaawwww!!!! She's so cute! Way to go Bo! You're going to do awesome! Hang in there momma! You'll get used to it!

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  4. Bless your heart sweet sister! You'll be fine . . .this too shall pass and then comes the wedding and babies to cry over! Save some of your tears.
    She is beautiful and has so much to offer those lives she will come into contact with. Praise God she's healthy and ready for what He has for her. Good job!

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  5. She is beautiful and she looks like you! Next you will be planning her wedding. That will make you cry!

    Linda
    http://coloradofarmlife.wordpress.com

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  6. Isnt it just the pits. I cry EVERY TIME I hear that song from Mamma Mia, Slipping Through My Fingers... buy loads more Kleenex. You need to have a long old chat with my mum... she would say such lovely wise comforting things to you. Can I just say that your daughter looks so so wonderful and happy and ready for the next thing. Well done you, my friend, for a Job Well Done.
    Hang on in there. Lots and lots of heartfelt love. xxxxxxxxx

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  7. Letting go is NOT easy. I've already let two go. The last one is gonna be the hardest. Cause then the nest will be empty. Geeze, your gonna get me crying and I've got several years to go yet. Darn it.
    Where's my Kleenex?

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  8. Ohhh, I feel for you! I'm going to have to go through this with my only child, but not for another 5 years. Sending you ((hugs))and yes thank the Lord for friends like that!

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  9. She will do great, and Im sure you will adjust too.

    I have 11 more years before I have to go through this, although I really wish it was sooner because I had my kiddos way later than I would have liked.

    It was just Gods will.

    Love and Prayers,

    Tim

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  10. ha...love the "crappy platitudes".

    can't imagine what it will feel like when my firstborn flies the coop!!

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  11. Big hugs!! I totally understand!

    You have raised a beautiful daughter who has what it takes to make the right choices and make the best future for herself! Be proud.

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  12. Oh just great, now you've got me blubbering.....
    I always told my daughters that I would be driving the u-haul to their high school graduation ceremonies. Now they both have my sense of humor. I guess we reap what we sew. Ah, now it's my turn to twist the grandchildren.

    Hannah is a beautiful person, great job Mom.

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  13. Hugs and prayers! She is so beautiful and your heart must be bursting with pride and aching over missing her. Will be thinking of both of you during this big transition!! Go Bo!!

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  14. WOW!
    She is stunning! I need you to look me in the eye! Are you looking? OK. I have experience with this! I have two daughters I have sent off to college. So here is my expert advice. #1 Close her door, and don't look in their for a week. Trust me on this. Then after about a week, it won't be a problem. Second thing I need to tell you is this....You are going to love this! I was a blubbering mama on the first one. Then this magical thing happened. We became even closer!!! Now, she will throw her independence out there at first, and somehow make a statment that she is no longer yours to tell what to do. I highly recommend that you sit her down, or email her and say. "I know all of these years, that you have had to listen to me. I recognize now, that you don't. So I just want to let you know, that when I give my opinion, I don't expect you to follow it like you did when you were a child." Release her from that pressure. Tell her about how making a good decision for herself is making an "informed decision". That the way to do that is to take in everybody's opinion, then make your choice. Once, she realizes that, YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE THE RELATIONSHIP YOU GUYS WILL HAVE!!! TALK ABOUT BEST FRIENDS....CONFIDANTS!! If I would have known it was going to be like this, I would have shoved them out, long ago. Ok...I'll stop talking, because as you can tell....I am on narcotics....surgery....and I can only lay in bed, and blog hop, and quote entire movies....so I'll go back in my own little doped out corner. I love you man!

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  15. I've been sending them off to college since 2002, and I cry every year when they go. I'm about to open the 8th grade Calvert School box for my second to youngest, and I want to cry, too. Pass those kleenex when you've used them, please. The kids are a hard habit to break.

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  16. I've been sending mine off since 1987! Wow, I've never written that before, seeing it,Geeeze I'm old! Hang in there, it only gets alittle better, once they start coming and going!

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  17. Oh I just love this post. My mom is going through the same thing with my sister gone.

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  18. you should be so proud!! She's amazingly BEAUTIFUL...and you can just see her beautiful spirit!! you did good!

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  19. Well dear friend, I have never had to "put up with" you; I am blessed by our friendship. Kleenex is pretty cheap and I ALWAYS have it in the house. My door is certainly on its hinges; I know because I opened it and shut it today. Couches dry. And the kleenex on the floor just blended in with all the other crap there!

    You are gift to me. And your daughter is absolutely beautiful inside and out, I know! Oh and are we saving $$$ in counseling fees! And you know what I'm talking about!

    i love you friend!

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  20. I love, love LOVE these pics of her. She is just .... BEAUTIFUL.
    AND ALL SO much else. I KNOW you are one PROUD momma.
    SO, I take it she's AWAY away at college?... not one "down the road" and comes in every now and then during the week? Ooooow... how SO difficult I can ONLY imagine this to be. I know someday I am not going to be the everything I am to my 3 y/o and I mourn that before it gets here.
    You did a FABULOUS job.... but, you're (we're) never "done". Again, loved the pics.

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  21. What a pretty daughter you have!

    Hang in there. Lots of hugs to you!

    ~Sandy G.

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  22. Wow, and here Kaylee was suggesting at choir that you and Teresa might need to be separated with all the yeehawing going on over there. :-) Who would have known?! (If we don't keep laughing we'll cry, right?!) If these years of change aren't just tricky and stretching, then.... well... then, they're NOT! :-)(ala Tim Hawkins) But, shoot, they ARE!
    Well, may our free counseling sisterhood be blessed! See you for barbecue chicken salad Friday!
    Lori <3

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  23. I'm trying really hard to understand your pain. but me...I relished each and every step towards my childrens independence. Maybe it's just because there were so darn many of them!

    Use all the tissues you need. Eat some chocolate. Cherish your friends. And know, that you've done a good job of raising that beautiful daughter of yours, and now it's time to let her soar!

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  24. Awww, don't be sad! She turned out great. And someday every child has to leave the nest. On second thought, you can be sad because now I am too!

    Hang in there lady =)

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  25. Oh man, I'm giving you warning now to stock up on kleenex because this will be me next year knocking on your door ... for high school! Sniff If we stick with our plan, this is my last year homeschooling. Sob. My overall hope is that my children will look just like yours does now, full of wonder and excitement to take on the world. Sniffle.

    BTY: She's gorgeous! You can see happiness just radiate out from her. You did good, mom. Real good.

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  26. What beautiful shots!!! Trust me if you let her go she will come back...I just know! We raise them to be caring, giving, productive members of society...she needs time to be that person...she won't forget you! She isn't gone forever, just for now! Be proud that she is happy and excited to move on to this stage of her life...you've done your job well!!!!

    Cheers

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  27. Been there, done that. Then they marry and move 1200 miles away. Guess you didn't want to hear that, huh! Same here, homeschooled em', worked with em; they lived home till they married and I still miss them. It's hard to figure out what to do with myself now. Hope you handle it better than I did. We get replaced by new and exciting experiences. What on earth do we replace them with?
    Think I'll come and cry with you!
    Deb

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  28. Robynn,.... she's beautiful, she's smart and she's sensible. She will do well. Don't worry. Now,... please pass the kleenex,... my grandson stopped by yesterday before he went back to college for his second year. ... I'm still teary eyed missing him. The cycle never ends.

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  29. Hi Robynn

    Been there and done that with our first born in February this year. She's living 400kms away from us in a big city, attending university. It's different without her but I know she is making her own way and is doing well. She sure appreciates my home cooking a lot more now.

    Cheers - Joolz

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  30. Oh, yeah, I meant to say - she's a gorgeous looking girl!

    Joolz

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  31. Oh dear - how many cases of kleenex would you like Robynn??
    I'm going through my own separation deal right now myself of missing my 6 yr. old grandson who lives over seas now because his daddy went back into the Navy...I've done quite well the past 17 months with a few waves of missing here and there. But just this week I am missing him something awful!

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  32. P.S. to my previous comment above....
    I want him to jump on an AIRPLANE and come stay with his grandma for a spell so we can have lots of fun cooking like we did and shopping ( he loves to shop ) and sing / dance together and just plain have tons of fun....along with lot of snuggling!

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  33. Aaaaawwww!!!! Robynn, I will be on your door step next year looking for Kleenex. It is not far they grow so fast. I'm still thinking of failing my son this year...maybe that will give ME more time to grow.

    Hugs!! Lisa

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  34. Wow, I'm not ready for that I have 14 years before my oldest is 18. Letting them go is hard I imagine. Looks like you've done an awesome job though.

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  35. What a beautiful young lady! You will be okay. It just takes some time. You will really look foward to her first visit home!

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  36. Well if it makes you feel any better I started crying just reading your post. I was thinking, that will be me in just 3 short years. And again another 3 years after that, and then, well I'm starting Emma on Kindergarten stuff this year, so you do the math. I started getting teary-eyed when she recognized a few words in a story book ... she's on the cusp of reading, I remarked. My mind immediately did that fast-forward thing ... just yesterday I was nursing her, tomorrow she'll be getting married. sigh

    Well if I can do half as good with my kids as you've done with Hannah ... I will truly be blessed!

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  37. OMG will this be me next Tuesday.

    Mine is ssso young (16) to be going to college, but he so wants to go. I join with you. Waaaahhhhh!!!!!

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  38. What a beautiful daughter you have raised. I can only imagine how you are feeling. I can tell you it gets better each day and as you watch her turn into an adult, you will become even more proud and excited but that doesn't help much at the moment.

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  39. Oh, Aunite Robynn!!!! :`( You need a hug! *hug*.

    I love you so so so so so so much.

    Yer bean girl <3

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  40. Ah but her mama does look like that ... beautiful through and through ... and you will be fine

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  41. OMG she is just gorgeous!

    Pull yourself together woman! :P Here... have another tissue.

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  42. (Eventually I will recover, and you won't have to endure my rants from my bedside. It's just that they shove a Lortab down me and leave me in this dark room. What else am I suppose to do) lololo Anyway, back to more rantings. One more thing I wanted to share...Robynn. Should I tell her ladies? She may not get it. Oh what they heck.....here it is..THEY ALWAYS COME HOME!! AND I'M NOT JUST TALKIN' FOR A WEEKEND!! Now at this point you maybe saying to yourself..."GOOD! That's what I want." Hum...let's see if I can explain this....What I mean is they ALWAYS COME HOME. They eventually move back in. Only it's like when they are 22...and they bring with them....things that you don't want them to bring with them. Things that you enjoyed doing without. Like...laundry...a filthy bedroom....money needs....PMS...and the big one...EXPECTATIONS. Then they move out again...and you go back to that wonderful fabulous...treasured...undescribable vastness of friendship...CONFIDANTS...treasured soul...and the one person in the world that you know has your back...like when you have major surgery...or when your dog has to be put in ICU while you are recuperating from surgery. Oh...I can't wait for you to discover the future!! It is a very beautiful thing!! Until then, start looking for something you and hubby can start doing together! Ever thought of Christain Bikers? I think you would look great in leather! Ok,..its time for me to lay off the narcotics. Surgical pain or no pain! Ive crossed the line with the whole leather comment.lolo

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  43. With a daughter that pretty, I wouldn't want her to leave the house either.

    You have to be happy though, her independece is a testiment to your good parenting.

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  44. Bless your heart! Here's hoping that tomorrow looks better and that your daughter calls you from college to tell you she misses you. :)

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  45. Hi, I've visited your blog and enjoy it. Success for you.

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  46. Way to go, Bo!! Hang in there Robynn....you'll be okay!! :)

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  47. wow she is beautiful :) I can only begin to imagine how I will feel when that day comes- yikes!

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  48. I imagine seeing your child go off to college would be a very emotional experience, especially hard if you home schooled her like you did. She is very pretty and exuberant--looks like she can't wait to embrace new things. Hope you can adjust quickly.

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  49. -->What a beautiful, happy girl - - she learned more from you than what was in books.

    http://www.WebSavyMom.com

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  50. She is so pretty!! I can feel your pain, letting go is the hard part. But you did an awesome job homeschooling and raising her, she'll make it! And you will be just fine too.

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  51. Robynn, I was the 5th of 6 that were spread out over 17 years. By the time I got out of the house I think my mom was just relieved. I was the last one out, and back in, and back out...and my mom never shed a tear, at least in my presence. She was always encouraging. We each had our special talents and mom would make lists of things she wanted or needed done whenever we would stop in for a visit. We'd check the list, fix up what needed fixing and visit, maybe eat supper and then be out the door.

    So do positive stuff, SASS. Make up a list of things for you and Bo to do when she comes back home for the weekend... even if it's just to sit and talk.

    Love you!

    Helen

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  52. Awww... letting go is never easy my friend, but just keep reminding yourself that this is what you spent all those years aiming towards. You've already told yourself that? Well, just keep tellin' yourself and it will eventually sink in. Maybe.
    You did good mama, and look at it as watching a butterfly fly free, because ther'es nothing more beautiful.
    And just think of the stories she'll be sharing when she comes home!!!
    ;-)
    Cry your sweet little pea-pickin' heart out if you need to, girlfriend... and just know that you'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

    'Scuse me, but I need to go buy stock in Kleenex now.
    {{{{Hugs}}}}

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  53. AW! I gotcha now.

    I am SO sorry that you are sad but so proud of you for raising a mover-on-er. She has become what you raised her to be! Yay for SUCCESSFUL parenting!

    I am sending you a virtual hug and I ask that you come to my blog in 5 years and give me one when my oldest goes away to college.

    {{{HUG}}}

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  54. She is really beautiful by the way.

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  55. I have a MUCH better relationship with my parents ever since I moved out of their house the day I left for college. We had a good relationship before, but I realized just how much I NEED them once I didn't live with them. And, my parents really appreciated not having to wait up for me when I went out at night, so it was a win/win.

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