Thursday, May 7, 2009

Reflections.....

Do not let me linger too long alone within my thoughts because it's there the hard work is done.

When I am all consciousness
I swim in breaking waves and grasp about for tethers
upon which to anchor my vitality
through my writing.

This bauble attracts me and I set out
with a mad stroke to capture it.

That object looms into view
and I backstroke with abandon toward its bobbing form
upon my mental waters.

I am even content to remain ostensibly stationary
for I still create energy and waves
by my treading.

These are the places of felicity
where frolicking lends itself to humor
and ideas crash and spray against the rocks
in gleaming sunlight.

But left stranded on shore
without my mad splashing to distract me
and the impressions and images that are ever with me
constantly beckoning
overtake me.

I rise to follow the gentle swing
of the ebb and flow below the fray.

I sway downward past the wildness of the surface
into the muddy silt of stillness
where distraction is spent
and light softly shares its shadow
and fragments.

It is there
through opaque and muted contours
clarity is born.

But birth
for all its loveliness
is also mewling and messy.

(By Robynn Reilly)


And it takes time. It takes the very thing we feel we can least afford. But without it, nothing would continue and change could not be effected. We travail, and after a time, we pray that our laboring has not been in vain.

My thoughts there have given birth to sadness and great compassion for those who are wounded within our homeschooling group, but it has also come with courage.

I could write volumes here about outlandish remarks, judgements, and bullying directed toward women and children by a few men within this local community, and believe me when I say my flesh is sorely tempted to create a list. But it would change little and reduce me.

What I feel compelled to do is to stop grumbling (which does nothing) and be brave enough to call behavior what it is. Some things are worth standing up for and speaking out against, especially when it tears at the very fabric of something so precious.

I can pray for their censure so more are not injured, and perhaps that will happen. But I also realize contrite and humble hearts are necessary and people must be willing to change. I struggle to have faith or vision for such a possibility as these are old, established patterns. Hubris, adorned in the torn and tattered clothes of false piety, seems rarely to recognize its own near nakedness. But I am required to believe change is possible. I don't get a pass.

And then I want to shout from the rooftops to the injured: "This isn't us! This isn't who we strive to be! Please don't see us through the distorted lens that has been provided!" I want to rush in and fix the hurts and tend to the wounds. I want my own pain to be healed. Mostly, I want to see our community lovingly supporting each other and operating in ways of blessing even when we differ. Maybe, especially when we differ.

So, what do I do?

I have to recognize my own heart must be examined everyday and that's a full time, never-ending job where ugliness can take up residence too easily. I must strive to be the thing I long for; I must pray for change; I'm required to have courage when it's called for and to seek wisdom I may not possess. I must have an abundantly grateful heart for the large numbers of men and women within this community who are loving and kind servants, and who possess the courage, gentleness, and self-sacrificing willingness to serve in humility. They are the majority! I must rejoice and be glad!

And finally, I have to swim hard for the surface because it's time to breathe fresh air and exult in the wonderful absurdities of life. They make me laugh and I miss laughing with YOU. Because it really is true......."A merry heart (DOES!) doeth good, like a medicine!" (Proverbs 17:22 KJV)

"....weeping may endure for a night but joy cometh in the morning." (Psalm 30:5b KJV)



Copyright 2009 - All Rights Reserved

22 comments:

  1. So sorry to all of you who have already commented! I meant to publish the first part in the form of poetry and only realized when I came back that I neglected to. I will transfer your comments to this one but they will all look like they came from me. Now THAT will be entertaining!

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  2. Dr.John said...
    But joy cometh in the morning. Yes it does. God sends His peace and joy and we get to share it with all those who really need it just like us.

    May 7, 2009 3:51 PM

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  3. Neas Nuttiness said...
    Hoping that tomorrow is a brighter day. Sending you hugs!

    May 7, 2009 4:05 PM

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  4. Sniffles and Smiles said...
    Hoping and praying for light to shine and reflect off the dark, deep waters...Love you much! ~Janine XO

    May 7, 2009 4:16 PM

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  5. NaomiG said...
    Well, you certainly have a grasp of big word usage! You really should get a reward for all that. Hope things smooth out for ya, pray that God gives you the wisdom to say what needs to be said, when it needs to be said, and to shut up when you aren't supposed to be saying anything. And, I hope you're feeling better!! X's and O's, baby!

    May 7, 2009 4:23 PM

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  6. Sharon said...
    Such incredible imagery!

    May 7, 2009 4:34 PM

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  7. Like the poetic form!!! Glad you went back and fixed it!!!! Love it even more now!!!! Love you! Janine XO

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  8. Years ago we went through some very deep hurts in our own home school community ... but we grew up a lot in the process. AS my hubby says, we can talk about grace and preach grace, but extending grace is a whole 'nuther thing."

    (P.S. It takes grace to extend grace -- and God's grace is where we find the grace to extend grace to others.) Whew, how's that?

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  9. Peace, love and grace seem to be elusive. Wonderful poem. Really enjoyed it.

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  10. {{{{{Robynn}}}}}

    Word verification is "remit" .

    I don't think that there is any way that I can 'pay' you for the things you've given me...

    Although too many to list, a couple of things are compassion, encouragement and, at times, convulsive laughter. I learned not to read you while drinking soda or tea or anything that come out of my nose... Sorry for the graphics, buy you needed to know that you inspire many things in many folks.

    Here for you... anytime.

    Helen

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  11. I wish that I could reach out and hug you. You know, friends are God's life preservers. I hope that you will remember you have friends who will listen and care ... and I am one of them. I hope it lightens your burden to know you have many of us here for you.

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  12. If our talents were only derived via DNA (and not other wondrous sources from with in and out).... I would say that you had a multitude of famous, well know, well versed and moving poets in your family tree. I'm astounded at your lexicon and graceful use of it.
    Prayers to you with all you have going on.

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  13. What a wonderful poem!
    Praying for you, dear friend!

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  14. Oh Robynn,... home school or public school there are bullies and negativity everywhere. It does hurt and wounds us all, not just the one who is the target. I send you hugs and strong thoughts. And my word verification is "cryon"... hmmmmm!

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  15. Just wanted to say that poem was beautiful..Thankyou;)

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  16. Ok, that made SOOOOO much more sense in the form of a poem. Absolutely beautiful poem, I might add... Hope you're doing well! Wish I could come make my homemade chicken noodle soup for ya!! My sis has been sick too, I wonder if I can justify a trip down there for 2 batches of homemade chicken noodle soup. Hmmmm....

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  17. Lovely photo .. it works so well with the poetry

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  18. Hee hee.. lots of comments from you, Robynn! But seriously - so sorry to hear about the few that destroy such good work. Hope you all manage to rise above it!

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  19. So beautifully written as always. Here's hoping things are going smoothly for you today.

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  20. That brought out the emotions...and you want to fight, but must be humble because whose battle is it anyway? And who can change hearts? Only the Lord.

    You have a wonderful way with words Robynn.

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  21. What a poignant post...your words never cease to touch me, Robynn! :)

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  22. Great post.

    Something I have to remind myself when I am in these moments is that "this too shall pass".

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