Thursday, April 9, 2009

"Goddess" for a Day!

Remember this photo?

Well, guess what it earned me? A "Goddess" designation. That's right. You are looking at an "Apron Goddess." You may now be appropriately awed. I am disproportionately odd. But I'm still the feature of the day at The Apron Goddesses.

This is a site I have greatly enjoyed. It's usually about very talented people who wear and make the cutest aprons in the world. I have no talent. So I wondered why I was hanging out there. I have been known to throw away whole patterns still firmly pinned to scattered pieces of fabric. A dear seamstress friend, Crystal, told me it was okay to do this (as a last ditch measure and in an attempt to free myself from sewing guilt) if things went horribly south and the project couldn't be saved. Uh, well, that's all I needed to hear.

Sewing machines become possessed in my presence.

Do you realize there is a device on a modern sewing machine that allows you to adjust the tension? It doesn't make any difference. I turn it all the way down and I'm still a nervous wreck. My bobbins leap out of their holders. I've broken more needles than I ever actually sewed with. The thread pile in one square inch of material, when I'm done attempting a straight line of stitching, is large enough for a small bird to live in, give birth, and raise a family.

I did manage to turn out a few sleeveless dresses for Bo when she was around two. Small successes frequently cause me brain damage. Consequently, I got this horrible idea I could make mySELF a dress. Naturally, with "Bingo Wings," as Ladybird World Mother calls them, it wasn't gonna be sleeveless. Yes, Virginia, I truly believed with my giftedness at the sewing machine, I could actually make a dress with arm coverings. How is it you can cut out a sleeve (which is supposed to attach to the body of a dress) but it is several feet larger around than the hole it's supposed to fit into? After several attempts to marry this mismatch, I gave the whole ratty pile a proper burial in the garbage bin and kicked it to the curb. Then I put my feet up, grabbed a latte, and I might have switched on Martha Stewart just to swear at her. I'd like to think I didn't. I prefer to believe only the best about myself and am rarely influenced by facts.

But the lovely folks over at The Apron Goddesses are not given to these fits of temper and irrationality. They actually LIKE to sew. And they are always making the cutest things. All I do is buy well. And I BOUGHT my oh-so-cute plastic apron. And it is highly functional, required no sewing on my part and, therefore, keeps me from swearing. If I ever did. Which I'm SURE is unlikely being the sweet, gentle, demure darling I am.

Please go have a look. People over there sell, too, if you're looking for something in particular. You can also find where I bought my apron. Don't mention any of my bad qualities, please. They might not let me hang out with them anymore.




Copyright 2009

26 comments:

  1. I sewed about 6" on some paper once. My little sewing machine sits and mocks me for thinking I can sew.

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  2. Robynn, you never cease to amaze and amuse me! I couldn't get your link to work for the goddesses blog? Of course you should know that could just be me... but you may want to verify for yourself :)

    I would have to join you on the no-sew thing... won't even try... I'm done before I start. So I really do need to go check out this plastic one... and try swearing at Martha too... but shush, don't tell anyone I said so.

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  3. Thanks for the alert, VICKY!! It was indeed broken. Leave it to me. I'm adept I tell you! (All fixed now.)

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  4. Somewhere in all my junk, I have a half finished pair of floral overalls I started for my daughter - when she was about 3 years old.
    So I think me and the sewing machine officially parted ways back in 1977.
    I would rather eat dirt, me thinks.... so thank goodness for people with talent!

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  5. I can never adjust the tension on my sewing machine either, and that's why it's sitting in a dusty box in a closet--unloved and unused.

    Thanks for visiting and leaving me such a nice comment.

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  6. ROBYNN........you have me ROFL!You poor child does ya' need a sewing lesson or two? I sew and even have made APRONS. Well, I'm off to go over to the apron site. I still need to get a picture of me in my Plastic Pen Pals apron...maybe out in the garden planting would be a good pose. SEE YA!

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  7. I am having your sewing machine type problems with my computer!!
    I love that picture.

    You and Apron Goddesses are the best!
    Have a great day.
    Pam

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  8. I sewed a yellow sun dres and wore it in a fasion show for my 9th grade home economics class. I have not sewn anything since. My husband on the other hand has made 4 dolls. One for each of his girls including me.

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  9. How cool is that! Love the photo, btw--you look so joyful.

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  10. Am total rubbish at sewing... just about manage to mend children's things. But Thats It. Thing is... Husband has given me sewing machine. Whoops! Better learn.
    Oh, and thanks for that link, you kind soul.Off now to look at aprons. XX

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  11. I am soooooooo jealous. Like SERIOUSLY...124 followers, featured on the APRON GODDESS and you get COMMENTS from Ladybird World Mother!

    Robynn, what am I doing wrong?

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  12. I'm so glad I found your blog. Your post gave me such a laugh as I've been sewing my whole life. When I was a little girl I would watch my mother sew and by the time my older sisters graduated I made both of their grad dresses. Please don't hate me.

    You have such a talent for writing that you more than make up for your lack of sewing prowess to interest and amuse your readers. And I'm sure your going to be a real whiz in the kitchen with that
    fabulous apron on!

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  13. LOL!!!! Robynn, you've done it again! BTW, my mother used to say..."If you can read, you can sew..." I was never sure I quite believed her...probably just one of those things that Mothers say like, "Don't cross your eyes as they might get stuck that way..." and "Because I said so..." Yup, must be Mother mythology, for sure! Love you!

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  14. How fitting that you won an apron over at our blog! I didn't realize you were an "apron goddess"!

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  15. Bingo Wings --hmmm, wonder where that originated. Unfortunately, we cannot control our genetics... and sadly enough, I am an owner of such ...???... deviously placed mass(es). But I've always called them Flying Squirrel Arms... what a sad picture to imagine.
    :-)

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  16. Oh my. I love to sew. Sewing aprons is one of my favorite things. But, I can appreciate that others don't love to sew. You're a fun read, always, lady!

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  17. Well, I can sew--had my own sewing school and taught basic and advanced classes when I lived in Hawaii many years ago. BUT, I can't even begin to write anything as funny as what you post every single day! I'll teach you how to sew, if you'll teach me how to write funny, witty stuff. OK?

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  18. Let me tell you about the horribly deformed shirt I made when I was 12 and wanted to learn to sew lets just say knitting is a better idea for me.lol (((((Hugs)))) Darcy

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  19. I could not sew a button on a shirt if my life depended on it... sigh... but however, I am overjoyed to see how happy you look in this photo and to read your joyous words!

    Take care! Hugs♥

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  20. Saw it on apron goddess and of course, I left a post! Your the one!

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  21. oh I hope aprons continue to make a comeback - they're so much fun!

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  22. You make me laugh! And thanks for the new site!

    Linda
    http://coloradofarmlife.wordpress.com/

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  23. Robynn, I feel your pain. When we were kids, Butterfly (my mom) made all of us learn to sew - even my brother! Each summer we had to sew an outfit for school - he had to sew a shirt. I hated it, but learned out of necessity and sewed all my own clothes for high school. Couldn't sew no if my life depended on it. Now Butterfly lives with me (she's 83) and is paying me back for all the horrid things I did to her as a child (but I make her do all my mending). Check out this blog, for instance, to see how much mischief she got into at piano class:

    http://thebutterflymind.com/ramblings_0085_pianorama.htm

    http://www.thebutterflymind.com

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  24. Robynn, your sewing sounds like my sewing, terrible! Junior High Home ec 101 awful! Thanks for the sauce tip, I missed out, but I too have received these free coupons, I would be glad to send you one, I have found them at Krogers only they are $4.39 a bottle here. You can privately email me your address at mjjaegly@yahoo.com and you can have one. When they sent them to me they asked if I would redeem the coupons and hand out a few of the bottles, which I have done. I still have a few left!

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  25. Hilarious! After sewing myself to a bed and my socks to the carpet, I then got kicked out of sewing class...

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  26. That is where I found your blog was through them..I'm SO like you...at least you had some patterns pinned girl..I buy TONS of material,,and let it sit there..my sewing machine is covered up with just this delightful material I purchased way back when,,and it is under a 'craft table' I set up (for when I will be such an amazing craftier, sewer, painter, bla bla bla, oh ya,,scrapper too,,LOL I have tons of scrapbooking paper, and such..all sitting nicely in a beautiful basket..sitting ever so patiently!!

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