Okay. So I signed up for Twitter. Even though I fail to see why I should.
"Everyone's doing it," everyone tells me. "People enjoy it!" Really? Why?
Just in case you have a life and couldn't care less what Twittering is and don't know or care to know, let me explain in boring detail. Twitter is a service wherein you can send a message to whomever is interested (known as a follower - radical term, stay with me), and it's just one message but goes to all of your followers at once. You can only use 144 characters so it is meant to send out short notes about what you're doing or thinking.
No offense to anyone using it, which would now include me, but I really don't get it.
Do you actually want to know more about me than you already do? My life does not tend to produce interesting, "Twitterable" moments.
Let me give you an example of what level of excitement you can expect if you decide to follow me on Twitter.
"Walked across the room. No injuries."
"Have gone upstairs."
"Have gone downstairs."
"Who used all the toilet paper and didn't replace?! Grrrr."
"Who put the milk carton back in the refrigerator empty? Grrrr."
"Minky! Stop barking! Darn dog."
"JoJo! Stop barking. Darn dog."
"This is the highest pile of laundry since...since....since.....piles of laundry have been getting high (the pressure defeats analogy production)."
"My toenails look disgusting. I'm doing a pedicure as soon as I go upstairs for my supplies."
"Have gone upstairs."
"Who used the last of the toilet paper up here, too?!"
"What was I up here for?"
"For corn's sake, there is cat barf on my bed."
"I did not realize you could see into my neighbor's garage so clearly if you bend over just right to clean up cat barf."
"I wonder if there's a dead body in that rolled up carpet?"
"Am heading downstairs now to start laundry."
"Son is playing X-Box 360 instead of doing school work. He is in trouble. Jello brain."
"I wonder if I have any new followers on the blog - going to check."
Alternating Posts 60 times a day: "Yay! They like me!"/"Nothing. Probably no one else will ever sign up as long as I live."
"I need to dust my desk."
"Heading on over to check out all the blogs I follow."
"Dangit! Just dropped my headphones."
"Wow. Noticed how badly I need a pedicure. I should have realized this before now."
So, this is representative of the scintillating updates you can expect from me if you follow. And someone can read them to you in the hospital if you lapse into a coma. They say people can sometimes still hear and understand during that time. I hope that's not true for you.