Monday, March 2, 2009

Happy Birthday, Judy

Today is my sister's birthday and I just wanted to acknowledge it. She has been gone for many years now but I miss her more as I get older. She was five-and-a-half years older than me and we drove each other nuts as kids. What kids don't? But we also had some incredible times and she had the tender heart of angel, with the soul of a poet. She also had a really tough life and, from the very beginning, was basically either missed, abused, or neglected altogether by the adults around her.

At 18, in desperation, she said, "Enough."

And then there was no changing anything.

I wish you could have hung on long enough, Judy, to know it wasn't worth giving up for. But you were too young to realize it and I was too young to help you see.

I know where you are though and, without a doubt, I know we'll all be together again one of these days. You would be SO proud of your niece and nephews. They're all great kids and are crazy and funny, like you. And they would LOVE you! You and I would have a ball and I would have someone to compare notes with and examine all this craziness that was our lives. I think of you often and will tell your story out here one of these days because you never got the chance to.

Each time I hear Don McLean sing "Starry, Starry NIght," I always think of you:

"For they could not love you,
But still your love was true,
And when no hope was left in sight,
On that starry, starry night,
You took your life as lover's often do,
But I could have told you Vincent,
This world was never meant for one as....
Beautiful as you."

I know you're not sad tonight. You are where all the former things are wiped away and you don't feel all the old griefs. You were loved by God and you loved him and hoped to serve him one day on the mission field. It's harder for me to forget and forgive on your behalf because so much could have been different. But I'm working on it my sister, my friend. I'm working. I love you. Happy Birthday. :)

19 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't think of the right words I want to say, for you see, this has reminded me of how much I miss my older brother. He left us in 1986. His wife was pregnant with their fourth child when he was taken from us in a work accident. They were devout christains. I,like you, am missing him more as I get older. So many things to share, his children and just being together. I can hardly breath sometimes, I miss him so much. I'm sure you probably experience the same feelings.
    Happy Birthday,Judy!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh Robynn -- the things God has brought you through. May I never doubt His ability to save and redeem.
    Much love,
    Lori

    ReplyDelete
  3. What a lovely way to commemorate your sister. But sad a the same time.

    ReplyDelete
  4. What a beautiful birthday message to your sister. She is looking down from heaven smiling.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Tears in my eyes for you. I can say no more because words do no justice for all endured.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hey Robynn ... sorry I'm behind on your blog. What a touching post for your sister. Brought tears to my eyes.

    Also ... did you hear me doing the Hip Hip Hurray for Hannah? WOW ... what an amazing young lady you have there. Obviously ... she comes from one amazing mom! You have certainly inspired me to step it up a bit and not let myself get behind on planning for my kids for college. I may have to call you with questions though if I can't figure something out. Which is bound to happen.

    Congrats Hannah!

    ReplyDelete
  7. What a beautiful tribute to your sister. I, too, miss my sister on a daily basis. It always amazes me that while we mourn her here, at the very same time, all of Heaven is rejoicing as her spirit is now home. Great post.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Great post! Sisters are such special people...and the best part...they are always with us, even when they aren't.

    ReplyDelete
  9. That is so very sad and I'm sorry for your loss. What a beautifully written tribute to your sister.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thanks, everyone, for your kind comments and thoughts. You really helped me grieve for a little while.

    There can be such beauty in grief. It opens up a doorway to spend time with the person you loved. It allows all those feelings for them to come flooding in. And that can be comforting, and bonding....almost like a visit. Does that make sense?

    Hearing you speak your thoughts back to me was like an answer to a query. It built a little space for me to be sad, be comforted, and then be at peace. I wasn't crying when I wrote that but I was as I read your responses. Sometimes grief is not full, or complete, until it's shared. THANK YOU, my friends, for stepping into that place with me.

    ReplyDelete
  11. What a sad, poignant post. Thanks for sharing with us.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I am so, so sorry for your loss.

    Linda
    http://coloradofarmlife.wordpress.com/

    ReplyDelete
  13. I'm aching at your loss. Reading that literally brings a weight on my chest.

    I've had 2 cousins commit suicide. It's something that is so hard to understand.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Oh,how glad I am that I read this... truly beautiful. She will be smiling ear to ear.
    XX
    (Have you read The Shack yet? Get it and read it. Its wonderful)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Robynn, thanks for sharing about your sister. I am so very sorry about your loss. Happy Birthday, Judy.

    ReplyDelete
  16. That was so beautiful Robynn. I know your sister would be honored by your thoughtful and loving words.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Oh not at all..I LOVED reading it! We need to be reminded of those things and to memorialize our loved ones.

    Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Robynn, this is a beautiful way to remember Judy. I know the harshness of the world can be so overwhelming at times, especially for the younger ones. As you know, we just had to endure the loss of a friend and it is a tough time to go through. The trying to understand breaks your heart; yet having the knowledge of where they are now can bring a peace to our hearts.
    Happy Birthday Judy...

    ReplyDelete