Thursday, March 5, 2009

A Bear Market - Epilogue

To read all the previous chapters of "A Bear Market," click here: Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 and Chapter 3
Hello there. Jojo here. Your canine correspondent. My motto: I will dig as deep as I have to for the truth or a moldy rotten bone - whichever comes first.

It has been on my heart, and weighin' heavy, that lately some things in the truth department have been twisted and bent, or left out altogether and frankly, I'm disgusted. Nice people like you outta be told when they're havin' their chains yanked. There are heroes livin' here who aren't appreciated or even recognized. I'm not namin' names but I think you'll recognize a hero when you see one. I'll let you in on what's REALLY goin' on behind the scenes and set the record straight.

You all probably know my mom's been laid up. What you probably DON'T know is I've been the one keepin' it all together for her. And I'm doin' it in spite of the fact that she has completely ignored the dog's-honest-truth about those bears and the role certain parties played. But abuse has never allowed me to shirk my duty. So first, here's what's goin' on around the house.

I think it's plain to see by this hopeless look on my face that I have my hands full. And let the record show that I am only layin' on the couch to keep that hooligan, Minky, off of it. Dogs aren't supposed to be on the couch around here and I will lay here as long as I need to, to keep her off.

Because not only is she gettin' her out-of-control self up ON the couch, she's stealin' my dad's coffee cup right out of his work bag. The fool dog likes coffee. No one can leave a cup of it sittin' around anywhere but that she's got her fat schnoz stuck right in there and drinkin' it. If I hadn't caught the culprit right in the action, my dad woulda grabbed this out in the mornin' never knowin' she had drug her lollin' tongue all over it. And she tries to pull off this real innocent look while she's in the middle of the crime!

She even tried to steal his cup and drag it away where she could have coffee all by herself. And you know once you start drinkin' alone it's really all over with. I believe she has all the makins of a bonafide juvenile delinquent. But nobody cares much for what I have to say. Even about bringin' her home. They even tried to tell me she was for me, a present of sorts, to keep me young. Wow. Some kinda present. Apparently, makin' a list is pointless. But movin' along.....

While all this was goin' on, I was tryin' to take care of my mom. She was just layin' around lookin' all dejected and miserable. And though she hasn't been fair with me about some things I'm gettin' ready to tell you, I can't help but treat her honorably 'cause that's just who I am. I went to her bed and took her this:

Now if that's not one fine specimen of a good, broken-in bone that anyone in her right mind would love, I don't know what is. But did she chew it? No, she just said, "Ew! Get that disgusting thing off of my blanket!" and threw it on the floor. I took this abuse and turned the other cheek. I just knew my next idea would do the trick.

The doc always tells you to have a lot of water when you're sick so, I led her to the toilet and told her to get a drink. She just looked at me and then sat down on my water bowl. Nice.

I racked my brain and came up with the suggestion we go to the park and told her she could roll around in that nice poop I found over there the other day. I did. It was great. But with her? No sale. She's even still mad at me for jumpin' in. The woman canNOT be comforted. And frankly, I'm outta ideas. So, I figured, I'd post for her and give her a break and, in so doing, I would tell you the truth about the bears and my sleepin' habits.

I read the bad press I got about not waking up when I'm called or when things are going on. This is ridiculous. You need to know that I slept through her calling me when I was in bed with The Wild Man that night, because it is good for her to practice not gettin' so hysterical. I knew she wanted me but she needs to relax and learn to handle her panic better. I wasn't gone. I hadn't run away or been dognapped. And when I heard all that caterwallin' I decided then and there: that is NOT healthy. So I just kept my eyes closed and played dumb. I'm sure you can see my good work and motivation here.

And as far as sleeping through the bear, that was exaggerated, too. I knew the bear was out there! If I had growled or barked, these people of mine would have gotten up and tangled with them. I was trying to keep it quiet. What's a little car damage when your family is at risk? No one gives me any credit for having good sense.

And not only did they not give me credit, they put me in the minivan and went back to bed! I was NOT afraid. I WAS afraid that pitiful excuse for Yogi and her bratty kids wouldn't come back and let me tear a souvenir out of their backsides. That's the look my family saw on my face. It had nothing to do with the smell of bear in there. In fact, I was able to stand on the door handle, open the door, and head out to hunt those mangy maulers the rest of the night. We had a few serious tangles and I left them bloody and horrified. When I was satisfied they wouldn't come back for the night, I got back in the van and conked out. These people will never know what I did for them because I'm not one to brag on myself.

The next night it was me leading the charge in the bear hunt. I tried to drag Grizzly the right way but you can't tell him anything. He's got a gun and a flashlight. Apparently, that trumps guts, a nose, and pure brawn. I don't need a gun. I hate guns. I bark and try to tell him they're dangerous. I've hated them ever since he and The Wild Man got Nerf guns for Christmas when I was only a couple of years old. How I got caught in the cross-fire I'll never know but I had to take a bullet for both of them. And they want me to be excited about this craziness.

I got drug in all the wrong directions the whole night. And all the while Yogi was stalking my mother. I know it was a vendetta for my activities the night before. That she-bear knew I was out looking for her in all the wrong places and she had plans to digest my mother figure. Thank goodness my mom heard that wicked thing behind her and I was able to bark and charge forward. It was my sheer ferocity that saved her but, you didn't hear it from me.

Anyway, I'll get back to figuring out how to help her out around here. I thought about saving her some of my dog food this morning but that seriously challenges all I know to be sacred. I had one piece left....I even took a picture of it and sat for a long time givin' it some serious thought......

And then I remembered how she spun this story against me. She'll just have to do without MY dog food. That'll show her. I'll keep you posted if I see any more flagrant lying.

And don't worry. You'll ALWAYS get the straight story from me.

From Jojo - The HONEST one.


  1. Oh boy -- I get to be the first one to comment. That's rare.

    Jojo, this was brilliant! Are you acquainted with my good friend Hank the Cowdog? Cuz, you sure do remind me of him. He's a good soul like yourself. Always setting the story straight and saving the world. (P.S. Tell your Ma, my Auntie Robynn that I'll be on the lookout for Hankie and try to get him to her on Sunday....:-)

    Oh, and tell her I love 'er. xoxo

    P.P.S. My Molly could sure be helped by your infulence , Jo. She's a tad bit of a nut case.

  2. Oh Jo-jo! How I laughed at your daring rescue attempts and all your sweet tricks to keep Minky off the couch... You need to keep an eye on her now that she's drinking on her own, poor soul.

    Thank goodness you always tell the truth!

    Tell you mum hello from me and I hope she gets better soon. Tell her I'm making some vegetable soup for her - that should get her out of bed and running for the hills!

  3. Jojo, it's obvious that you're under-valued and under-estimated around there and I think you need to sit your mom down and have a little heart to heart with her.
    Sitting on your water bowl, indeed!
    I can NOT beleieve she would do that!!
    Tell your mom that I would send her my last bit of chocolate if you think that that would cheer her up.
    But she needs to bring it to me first.

    Oh... and Jojo? Tell her that I said : "I smell cookies".
    She'll know what I mean. ;-)

    Good boy. Good, good boy.

    word veri: busnes
    It's busnes time on Wednesday nights. I got my busnes sicks on.

  4. Jo-Jo! I've been waiting for you to make an appearance 'round here. Such a hard worker! Tough to get a little time off no doubt. Thank goodness you set the record straight. I had no idea such bravery with bears still existed!! Perhaps, you could teach a class... my Dakota Jo, she hardly even realizes SHE is a DOG... please consider putting some MO back into my JO!! Tell ma to get well soon, so you can get a little break from the couch!

  5. Jo-jo, thank you for sharing your side of the story. We would have never known if you hadn't somehow sneaked your way on to the computer to type out this post. I hope your mum is much better soon.

  6. Jo jo you are quite the writer!

  7. I just got through reading Hank the Cowdog, so this was a neat addition to my collection of dog stories.

    You are one smart dog! Keep up the good work!

  8. JoJo, your momma better watch out and get well quick or you're gonna be the best, blogginest dog in the universe.

    I'm glad you were able to share your side of the tale. You sure didn't get enough credit.

    As for your mom sittin' on your drinking bowl... I don't have any help for you there. Sometimes humans do crazy things.

    I hope she gets better soon so's you don't have to keep trying to perk her up.

  9. oh my goodness that was so funny! And your dogs are adorable! Hope you're making you feel better. (bone on the bed and all) :)

  10. OMG, this is so funny!!! I can't remember if you've seen Koda yet, but I did a quick double take!! Too cute!

  11. What a great dog you are! I have 3 labradors that could use some of your bravery! Hope your mom feels better soon. Be sure and keep a watchful eye over her. Sounds like your the one to do it!

  12. What an adorable pup you are! In the one 'hopeless look' face pic, you look such like a Corgi... but, then next to the bowl, you don't have those stubby legs... regardless, a beautiful herder you are- which speaks of your intelligence. And see, this is obviously the case with you Jojo... that is, the smarts... getting on your momma's computer and all. I must say, you are quite the author- your momma should be concerned... you definitely vie for position with her when it comes to chronicling the days events. What a wonderful read.
    Oh... and that bone... is JUST what ours looks like here. Such good taste you have.

  13. I am NOT "Hank the Cowdog." He just SOUNDS like me. I am "Jojo the Bear Dog." Not bare, like I'm not wearin' any clothes, but bear. Come to think of it, I'm NOT wearin' any clothes but that is completely beside the point. And I don't appreciate you pointin' that out. Wait, I guess I pointed that out. Which is, again, completely beside the point!

  14. Wow JoJo! Thanks for the honesty! I wouldn't be sharin' my bones or food with her...laid up or not!
    You're smart..and she's smart...did she get it from you? Better work harder on her though so no more Big Bar Tales are told..incorrectly!
    Now go give her the biggest, wettest kiss you have for her!
    That should keep her honest!

  15. I love Jojo!! Wonderful photos!!!!And an excellent post as always. :)

  16. JoJo, you have the makings of a fine storyteller. Talent must run in the family. Even my dogs aren't this smart! Your flair for wit and a story hook kept me enthralled. Please guest post at any time.

  17. And you are also extremely photogenic. Have you given any thought to modeling?

  18. I love your reminds me of Diesel...great storyteller too! :)

  19. Dear Jojo, I'm finally catching up with my favorite blogs, and I must say your post today tops them all! It looks like you have your work cut out for you, what with keeping Minky off the couch, bringing bones to your mama and leading her to your water bowl! LOL. Well, anytime you have a chance to set the record straight, I hope you'll do it. We like the truth around here--and your truthful tale today was downright enjoyable.

  20. Jojo - thanks for setting the record straight!

    My dog George is a wack job, like Minky. He constantly tries to eat candles. At least he only tries to eat the ones that smell like food!